early this week

i'm not in the best of moods at the moment, not sure why, i guess it's partly down to me trying to redefine my life and how everything fits into it, it's not going too well!
i thought about writing a list of the things a want to change, at the moment there's only one thing on the list: EVERYTHING
i don't know why i want to change things, i guess i'm just fed up with the way things are going for me at the moment, there's nothing so wrong that it stands out as something i need to change, but there are so many things that i feel aren't as they should be.
anyway, i did my nplq, passed it with easy, my time swims were well under, a 37 and a 28, the times that you have to finish the swims are 65 and 45 respectively.
i've not done anything silly to myself this week, but i've had the urge to
i'm just so tired of everything at the moment
i need help, professional help to try and sort myself out, but i'm not going to get any because i'm worried that if i do then they'll find something really wrong with me, or worse, find nothing wrong with me. either way i don't think that they'll be much in the way of help and that's what's holding me back. i wish i could go and get help, but i can't
my friends have been helping, but i don't want to burden them with every little thing that's annoying me or pissing me off or bugging me or whenever some little thing has sent me over the edge again
too tired to care
Px