realisation
i realised soething today that's made me feel a bit better and smile
on august the 8th 2004 i cut myself with a steak knife, it was a bit deeper than i intended at the time and although i meant to cut myself and it relieved some tension at the time i ended up taking my ass off to the hospital to make sure thatit was ok and that it didn't need stitches or anything like that.
also on this day i promised myself that i wouldn't do it again
and it's been a little over a year now since i did it and i'm still alive and kicking, and better than that i've not cut myself once intentionally since that day.
this realisation means a lot to me.
it means that i've got things emotionally under more control than i had last year.
it means i've moved on to a better place than i was in last year.

there are so many people i want to thank for this that i'm not going to name anyone in case i miss someone out. but i want everyone to know that i owe them all so much and without them there is a chance that i wouldn't be here today, and it means a lot for me to be able to say that, i just hope you all realise how much you all mean to me, if i could thank you all personally i would, you have no idea how much i owe you

and that's all there is to it, i'm just sorry that some of the people i need to thank properly probably won't read this because i've lost touch with them over the year, and other people won't read this because they don't know about it or don't have access...which is a shame because i can be more honest on here than i can in person
take care peeps and know that i'm there if you need me like you've all been there for me over the last 12-18 months
thank you all
Px