it's been a week

only a week, but still, surely you'd think i should've said something since last week!

well it seems blogging buddies are dropping like flies this year
not heard anything from becca for a while, fu has just announced he's turning his back on the blog life and switching to facebook, rawbean slipped out earlier, as did steve novak...
oh well, i'll just add them to the list which also includes woja and tochy...people that con't really blog anymore list

an quick update on the car, i've got it back...it's becoming a money pit though, whihc is pissing me off...think i'll just get rid of it when the work has finished...
yeah that's right, i've got it back, but the works not finished yet...
you remember the comment i made about the bonnet blowing open while the bloke from the garage came to get it...well they've got me a bonnet, and it's a different colour to the original! but they have said that they'll re-spray it for me, so that's ok

work is hectic at the moment

i'm not getting enough sleep at the moment

i'm feeling very lonely most of the time

not a lot else to say at the moment

there was a big report on the radio news today about suicide, and that every day 3 men between 18 and 35 kill themselves in the UK each day, it's the main reason for death in this gender/age bracket... can you believe that? i can...i'm in this age bracket and i've contemplated t many times, from wondering what it would feel like and how much it would hurt to do something like slit my wrists to driving my car way too fast and just rolling it or making it hit a wall to wondering if i'd notice myself slipping away if i took an overdose. the general consensus was that men don't feel like they can talk to anyone about their problems and that they put up a mask of being this happy jovial person when others are around. having been there and done that, it's all true. but it also doesn't help when you think about opening up to someone and that person thinks that you're talking rubbish, or is more concerned in relating every thing that you tell them back into being about them and how difficult their life is and all that. or worse still,the person you're opening up to doesn't take it seriously, they eother focus on one thing that they feel is important (in my case the counsellor that i was seeing took her issue with my family, and seemed to think that my relationship to my siblings and the fact that i referred to them all as brothers and sisters when they are only half brothers and half sisters) or, and this can sometimes be worse, they think that your problems are pathetic, petty or trivial (in my case this related back to the last full time job i had and the fact tat i was less than happy in it, the person i spoke to when i tried to open up about it told me that i was being stupid and that it was all in my head and i should get a grip on myself). these reactions will often lead to the depressed person feeling lower than they do already, and will make them even more introverted when it comes to dealing with the problems that they face. it made me feel worse, it also made me feel less and less comfortable with opening up to people about my issues. i've chosen specific people in the past to help me through rough times, some of these people are still in my life now, some thankfully are not. but even now, knowing that there are people out there who are willing to help and are capable of just listening and offering helpful advice, doesn't mean that i'm willing to open up to them...some of them read this blog, they know that i've called them or texted them when i needed to get something off my chest, but others who read this know that this is used as an outlet for me, and that's part of the way i cope with things. but ever increasingly, im finding that i am becoming more introverted with regards to depression and telling people that i've got a problem and that i am asking for help...because i don't want the reactions that i've had from the people that are no longer around or the sympathy that comes my way too

i know it's tmi tuesday again, but i think the whole thing above covers me for this week with regards to the tmi thing...

laters peeps
Px

oi!

ok first things first...the image of me in the previous post (my HNT) is NOT my ass/fanny/behind/hinney/butt/arse/backside/bum...it's the crook of my elbow...
it just goes to show that you people are all a little pervy!!!

not doing too great at the moment
in fact i'm really pissed off with a lot of things
my car...not only have i spent over £1000 in the past month trying to get it sorted, but now the battery is completely flat and the alternator is buggered...i broke down twice today trying to get home from work...a journey that is only about 5 miles...if that. the battery was so flat that i couldn't even put on my hazard warning lights...
i am truly pissed off with the fucking machine
so this leads me to my next thing to be pissed off with...
i go back to my mum's to collect my bike, thinking that in the meantime i can use this to get me around...only to find the fucking thing has a puncture...how fucking typical is that?
bastard thing
i'm pissed off with the traffic warden who gave me a ticket this morning for being parked in a taxi rank but let 3 other vehicles off for delivering to shops in a pedestrianised zone out of the regulated hours (i.e. after 10am), in fairness i shouldn't have parked in the taxi rank and paid the ticket without worrying about it
i'm pissed off with my job and working all the hours that which ever god i've pissed off this time is sending...at last count i'm averaging 70 hours a week, at least 2 nights a week i get about 5 hours sleep before i'm up again and struggling to get ready for the next job. factor into this that i'm away with work 2 nights a week too, i rarely spent anytime at my home...and pretty much the only time i see my housemate is during our weekly salsa class...yes i am finally learning to dance the salsa, no it's not the tango that i thought i might be learning at the start of the year, no it's not with tango girl, yes i've not mentioned her in a while, no i'm not interested there anymore

there's a shit load of other little things that are pissing me off no end too...but they're all trivial little things, like the people who drive along in the middle lane of the motorway all the time, regardless of the fact that they're not overtaking anything and refuse to move across into the outside lane (fast lane) when i want to pull out to overtake something in my van, even though that lane is clear

generally not having a good time at the moment
would love dearly to just run away
far away
but i can't
i have responsibilities

by the way, i've been tagged in a couple of pics on facebook (for those of you with it) they're pics of me with jay and silent bob...my dragons, not the kevin smith creations...so you can see them up there.

whinge over
laters
Px