what a cock up

ok
so this morning i headed off to my new job
i got there at about 8
which was fine and about the right time
i sat and waited
and then saw one of the guys i knew who had helped get me the job
only to have him say he wasn't expecting me

fucking unbelievable!

it turns out that the guy who offered me the job and has been on holiday for the last 3 weeks and hadn't sorted things out
or let me know that he hadn't sorted them out!
when i was asked why i hadn't called anyone to see when i should be starting and all that, i just said that i'd only got this guy's mobile number and he was on holiday, and i was taking it all ok because he'd said it was fine and i should start today.
which is why i quit the other job

the bloke i spoke to today did say that they do want me to work there, but he needs to sort out a few things and then he'd call me...
he hasn't called today, so i'm expecting a call tomorrow now

i'm not panicking yet
just miffed about it
but i will run out of money if i'm not careful though...although my last pay packet from the driving job should be about 3 times the normal amount i've been getting because i never took any leave while i was there, so i'll get all my unclaimed leave in it too
so i should be ok for a while
i hope

anyway
does anyone want to give me a job? i'll do anything
laters
Px

still here

this is just a little something that i found online, it's an awesome song and it's very much how i'm feeling at the moment...the lyrics are below

it's called i need something, and its by Newton Faulkner

I need something to believe in
cuz I don’t believe in my self

I'm sick and tired of getting no where
guess it’ll all work out

And I don’t mind any more
and I don’t mind any more

And I need someone to put my trust in
cuz I aint trusting my self

And I'm scared of failure, so scared of success
guess it’ll all work out

And I don’t mind any more
and I don’t mind any more

Ooohhhhhhh yeah

And I don’t mind any more
and I don’t mind any more

it's been a week

only a week, but still, surely you'd think i should've said something since last week!

well it seems blogging buddies are dropping like flies this year
not heard anything from becca for a while, fu has just announced he's turning his back on the blog life and switching to facebook, rawbean slipped out earlier, as did steve novak...
oh well, i'll just add them to the list which also includes woja and tochy...people that con't really blog anymore list

an quick update on the car, i've got it back...it's becoming a money pit though, whihc is pissing me off...think i'll just get rid of it when the work has finished...
yeah that's right, i've got it back, but the works not finished yet...
you remember the comment i made about the bonnet blowing open while the bloke from the garage came to get it...well they've got me a bonnet, and it's a different colour to the original! but they have said that they'll re-spray it for me, so that's ok

work is hectic at the moment

i'm not getting enough sleep at the moment

i'm feeling very lonely most of the time

not a lot else to say at the moment

there was a big report on the radio news today about suicide, and that every day 3 men between 18 and 35 kill themselves in the UK each day, it's the main reason for death in this gender/age bracket... can you believe that? i can...i'm in this age bracket and i've contemplated t many times, from wondering what it would feel like and how much it would hurt to do something like slit my wrists to driving my car way too fast and just rolling it or making it hit a wall to wondering if i'd notice myself slipping away if i took an overdose. the general consensus was that men don't feel like they can talk to anyone about their problems and that they put up a mask of being this happy jovial person when others are around. having been there and done that, it's all true. but it also doesn't help when you think about opening up to someone and that person thinks that you're talking rubbish, or is more concerned in relating every thing that you tell them back into being about them and how difficult their life is and all that. or worse still,the person you're opening up to doesn't take it seriously, they eother focus on one thing that they feel is important (in my case the counsellor that i was seeing took her issue with my family, and seemed to think that my relationship to my siblings and the fact that i referred to them all as brothers and sisters when they are only half brothers and half sisters) or, and this can sometimes be worse, they think that your problems are pathetic, petty or trivial (in my case this related back to the last full time job i had and the fact tat i was less than happy in it, the person i spoke to when i tried to open up about it told me that i was being stupid and that it was all in my head and i should get a grip on myself). these reactions will often lead to the depressed person feeling lower than they do already, and will make them even more introverted when it comes to dealing with the problems that they face. it made me feel worse, it also made me feel less and less comfortable with opening up to people about my issues. i've chosen specific people in the past to help me through rough times, some of these people are still in my life now, some thankfully are not. but even now, knowing that there are people out there who are willing to help and are capable of just listening and offering helpful advice, doesn't mean that i'm willing to open up to them...some of them read this blog, they know that i've called them or texted them when i needed to get something off my chest, but others who read this know that this is used as an outlet for me, and that's part of the way i cope with things. but ever increasingly, im finding that i am becoming more introverted with regards to depression and telling people that i've got a problem and that i am asking for help...because i don't want the reactions that i've had from the people that are no longer around or the sympathy that comes my way too

i know it's tmi tuesday again, but i think the whole thing above covers me for this week with regards to the tmi thing...

laters peeps
Px

oi!

ok first things first...the image of me in the previous post (my HNT) is NOT my ass/fanny/behind/hinney/butt/arse/backside/bum...it's the crook of my elbow...
it just goes to show that you people are all a little pervy!!!

not doing too great at the moment
in fact i'm really pissed off with a lot of things
my car...not only have i spent over £1000 in the past month trying to get it sorted, but now the battery is completely flat and the alternator is buggered...i broke down twice today trying to get home from work...a journey that is only about 5 miles...if that. the battery was so flat that i couldn't even put on my hazard warning lights...
i am truly pissed off with the fucking machine
so this leads me to my next thing to be pissed off with...
i go back to my mum's to collect my bike, thinking that in the meantime i can use this to get me around...only to find the fucking thing has a puncture...how fucking typical is that?
bastard thing
i'm pissed off with the traffic warden who gave me a ticket this morning for being parked in a taxi rank but let 3 other vehicles off for delivering to shops in a pedestrianised zone out of the regulated hours (i.e. after 10am), in fairness i shouldn't have parked in the taxi rank and paid the ticket without worrying about it
i'm pissed off with my job and working all the hours that which ever god i've pissed off this time is sending...at last count i'm averaging 70 hours a week, at least 2 nights a week i get about 5 hours sleep before i'm up again and struggling to get ready for the next job. factor into this that i'm away with work 2 nights a week too, i rarely spent anytime at my home...and pretty much the only time i see my housemate is during our weekly salsa class...yes i am finally learning to dance the salsa, no it's not the tango that i thought i might be learning at the start of the year, no it's not with tango girl, yes i've not mentioned her in a while, no i'm not interested there anymore

there's a shit load of other little things that are pissing me off no end too...but they're all trivial little things, like the people who drive along in the middle lane of the motorway all the time, regardless of the fact that they're not overtaking anything and refuse to move across into the outside lane (fast lane) when i want to pull out to overtake something in my van, even though that lane is clear

generally not having a good time at the moment
would love dearly to just run away
far away
but i can't
i have responsibilities

by the way, i've been tagged in a couple of pics on facebook (for those of you with it) they're pics of me with jay and silent bob...my dragons, not the kevin smith creations...so you can see them up there.

whinge over
laters
Px

that's life

i spent a lot of yesterday feeling a bit lost and lonely
i say a bit, i mean quite a bit
like really badly lonely

it's a feeling i get a LOT
and it sucks

anyway
i've no idea what's going on in my life at the moment, there are a few things that i'd really like to get off my chest, but i've not idea when i'm going to get time to sort them out...
at the moment i'm considering giving up working in the pub, it's changed there, and it's not for the better. i still enjoy it to an extent, but it's starting to get me down more and more, part of that is because of the hours that i'm working left right and centre too though, so we'll see.
i'm getting my tongue pierced tomorrow i think (well hopefully)
and i'm getting the latest tattoo finished off in a couple of weeks too :)
there's so many things that i want to do at the moment too, but i'm just struggling to get myself settled and i need to do that before i can think about doing these other things...

it's a bit pants at the moment
i need lots of cuddles
laters
Px

sunday bloody sunday

ok i've decided that i'm drinking way too much at the moment
and you know what, although i thought i was comfortable with it, i'm not
i'm binge drinking
and as fun as it can be, i'm not enjoying it
i'm pretty sure it's because i've been a little overly depressed as of late
you know the whole not having a job, living with my mum and having no-one to hold my hand could be the reason for that
so really i should be getting a little bouyant now, what with the finding of somewhere to live and the new job that i start tomorrow
but you know what, i'm no happier today than i was last week, if anything, the realisation that i've been getting depressed is making the depression worse...
i know that i've got things going in the right direction now though
so i'm going to start being positive again

but firstly
i'm going to stop drinking
not completely, but i'm not going to be going out 2 or 3 times a week and getting totally wrecked, once a month should be ok though

i didn't make it to the gig last night either :(
i've got a cold that i caught off my mum, yesterday i had no voice, for the 3 days before that i had a continous headache, now i've got a runny nose, sore throat and my shoulders ache
i don't like having colds

anyway i'm going to go
laters peeps
Px

loads of stuff

ok so i'm checking in with the usual monday madness...

ok saturday i put an offer in for the house that i saw last week, think i'll be withdrawing it though as i'm just not interested in moving there because it was a hole!
and way too small and pokey for the money they want for it
besides i really need to sort out teh job before getting someplace to live...

i went out on saturday afternoon with some people i didn't know, although i do now...
that was cool
i had a good time
:)

sunday was spent just chilling
i finally got round to watching napoleon dynamite...thought it was pretty good, although it wasa little weird in places...still i liked it :) then i had to go to work, work was ok, was feeling a little bleurgh though and really just wasn't into it...

today things are boring
work is ok, but the boss was in earlier (the one who is supposed to be on longterm sick leave) and irritated me and the other bloke here...and i've still not been paid, i'm supposed to get money every other week, i was told i'd get it mid week last week, then told i'll get it on friday...and i'm still waiting
it's pissing me off because i need the money!

everything today is pissing me off though
just fed up with it all
hacked off
and miffed

laters
Px

friday funtime

hey hey peeps
how's it all going with you all?
things with me are not too bad at all
i think i've conquered my fear of the dentist...so life is all good
although my mouth is really sore today (it's not the only bit of my that's sore, but more on that in a minute...)
so i had my 2nd wisdom tooth out yesterday and one of the 5 fillings that i need done. only one because basically i have that many issues with the dentist that i hate going and usually when i need to have work done i have to be sedated...but in trying to get over this i went in yesterday and had the work done without sedation...just the local needle thingy and that's it
and i coped quite well :)
just aches today because of the removal...

anyway, my backside is sore!
now there's a decent reason for this...
i bought myself a new bike, and i rode the 5 miles to work this morning
it felt good, although my arse hurts because i've not been on a bike for about 5 years! and i'm unfit, so the plan is to cycle as often as possible as in attempt to save money and get fit...
all good :)

now at the start of the week i wasn't feeling myself, i was feeling a little blue and i've been a quiet as a result. but, i'm getting through it ok and well i've had this with me all week too, sad i know, but it's kinda made me feel better :) now...
the eagle-eyed of you may have noticed yestrerday that a new link was added to the site...for the 365 P(roject)X which is basically just me joining in with some things that other people are doing. basically i'll be putting up a pick of myself every day that i'll take on that day...it's not like HNT, these are going to solely be portraits, i may have a play with them when i get more into photoshop...but at the moment they're just being taken using my phone

ok finally
song for the weekend
i've had a couple of choices this week, ranging from songs by the monkees (in honour of the above for helping me get through the week to this, which i thought was the most appropriate:

Ok that's me done for the day (i think)

if i don't see your again, have a good weekend peeps

Laters

Px

the come down

bugger
buggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbuggerbugger

after an awesome night on friday
a much needed night it has to be said as well
i think the lack of sleep mixed with one or two other situations has put me in a not so good mood again. however, i am safe in the knowledge that i'll come out of it in a day or so and then everything will be all good again...i hope

i seem to be getting really clumsy at the moment, in the lasst week, i've broken 4 glasses and a coffee cup at work, if i continue i'm going to have to start paying to work there...

so it's monday
we all know what happens tonight
yeah that's it, the quiz
should be fun and games again
hopefully we'll win something better than the goodie bag

i'm on lunch duty all week again this week
nice and easy, i hope, we shall see though, but it does mean that i'm on fulltime hours again this week. it also means that i'm working split shifts 2 days as well though
and i've got to put up with what might be the manic friday lunch again (last week wasn't too bad, the week before was much worse, but i was on the bar then instead)

anyway i've got things on my mind again...probably best they stay there at the moment...maybe i'll let you in to a secret, but maybe not
laters
Px

Update:
feeling over tired still, fell asleep in front of the tv a little while ago, no biggie though, i'm always doing that, you know you get comfy, you're tuned into what you've got on the screen, but ont 100%...and then you wake up and it's the end credits...
feeling more chilled than i was this morning, part of that might have something to do with the pint i had after lunch though...and it was guiness again, not sure what's going on there, i seem to have started drinking it though. lunch was fairly busy, it was good too, right up to the point where i went to put the bowl containing a jacket potato with melted cheese on it onto the plate with the side salad and all that...forgetting that i'd just taken it out form under the grill, GENIUS!!! i've burnt the tips of my fingers in doing that, nothing major at all, but they carried on stinging all through service because every time i turned around i found another ticket that either wanted a jacket potato or a toastie...so i didn't get a chance to let them cool down properly (i know i'm supposed to run them under cold running water for at least 10 minutes, but i didn't get chance, kitchens can be busy places!).
eagle eyes (lisa) spotted something in the tags and commented about it...go look
anyway nuff said
laters peeps
and linny, i'm hoping that i won't need to text you for an answer again this week, but you never know hunny
enjoy your monday
Px