under a month left :(

still at least moving back in with my folks should mean that i can "save" some money...maybe

work has been pants ish this week, but i've only had a 4 day week this week and i've got all weekend off now, as for next week, well from saturday i'm off for 9 days, bit late now to plan a holiday, but at least it'll give me a chance to maybe visit a few people and not have to worry about the work thing that i'm supposed to be doing

on the job front, i finally heard back from la fitness about the job in stevenage, i didn't get it, but the bloke said i was his 2nd choice, i wonder if he said that to everyone he turned down? also finally made it to guildford, didn't go the first time because the idiot never told me how i was supposed to get there, didn't go the second time because i got home from the night before at 10.20 and the interview thing was supposed to be at 11, guildford being at least an hour away i called and made up something about my car being crap and that i'd broken down. anyway when i finally got there, the bloke was a prick, but he seemed quite happy to try and find me a job, it being a recruiting agency that i went to, he says that i've got to givce him an up to date cv though and then he'll sort me out with some work, might even try to get me the job in brighton that he was banging on about as an example of a private health club rather than a leisure centre, they pay more apparently...sounded like he was talking crap to me and he advised me that i didn't seem very enthusiastic...i said that it was hard to get excited about maybe being put forward for a job, especially after a long ish drive and not a lot of sleep...pillock!

spent a fair amount of money this week, sorted out some storage for my stuff when i move back into my folks place, going to cost £120 ish a month, but that's going to be cheaper than ditching it all and buying new stuff when i move back out...when ever that's going to be

also got the spaced boxed set, having never seen it before, i laughed my socks off

also bought a couple of cd's, maroon 5 being one of them, it's my cd of the week, i'm liking it!

that's about it, nothing exciting seems to happen in my life these days, probably a good thing, but then i'm finding it hard to remember a time when something exciting did happen...oh well

right that's me out for now
Px

i started a blog the other day, but i crashed out of the computer and now i can't remember what the hell i was talking about in it

such is life

anyway, i'm still tired, i think things have gone a little tit's up too, but i can't think why or explain what's wrong, just a general feeling that there is something that is making me paranoid and i'm not acting very sensibly as a result...sucks doesn't it

nothing on the job front, going to leave it for a little while, after speaking to my boss a few times this week i want to know what's going on before i make a proper decision, although i have had a couple more application forms come through, might fill out the one for wwl, probably fill out the one for alton towers, won't be filling out the one for somerset, that one sounded very boring which is probably a good thing

my boss hinted that there might be a little "movement" in the company soon and a centre manager's position might become available and that he'll push as much as he can for me to get it because he thinks i'm capable of it...scary prospect, but i could do it, i know i could!

things are generally feeling a bit crappy at the moment though, work aside, just feeling generally down and out of sorts, but then i know that everyone gets like that once in a while and everyone else deals with it so it's time that i started to learn how

people are getting in touch at the moment too...people i've not heard from for a while, it's good to hear from them, even though they probably don't realise it, so hey to you!

feeling the need for a really good mosh pit

quote of the week:
"i'm worried that i won't get into heaven unless i'm nice to pussies" from The Unadulterated Cat

lyric of the week:
"going once
going twice
three times
fuck this i'm gone"
from Invisible Man by Theory Of A Deadman

and on that note i am actually gone...laters peeps
Px

arrr jim lad

it's national talk like a pirate day, but i'm not going to go in to it that much, i promise

random day at work, actually enjoying my day which is good, absolutely knackered thogh, went to bed late, got up early...burning the candle at both ends a little

went to the pub last night with h, he and i spent some time putting the world to rights and supping a couple of beers...it was good...definately what i needed, hopefully it made him feel a little better too...we're both having a rough time at work, we're both thinking that it's not what we signed up for adn we're both thinking to staging a revolt...not to say that we're revolting though...

anyway...still at work so i'd better get on with things

oh

my

god

i have to get out of this rut
i have to get out of this hole
i have to get out of this job
i have to get out of this place

and i've got to do it now now now now now now!

how do you go about getting a whole new life? i need one, with a new job, money, somewhere to live, someone to be with, the last one isn't important, the others are, new job first, anywhere.
maybe i should just run away and start again somewhere else, when i say run away i don't mean it in the usual sense, i mean just up sticks and start again somewhere fresh, maybe in a different country even, but i've got to get away from here, it's making me ill, the whole cycle of work eat sleep work eat sleep is getting me down, and the lower i get the less i sleep and eat, but the more i get wound up about work...it's not as though i even enjoy it anymore...someone, please set me free

maybe tomorow will be better, maybe it won't
maybe tomorrow i'll write my letter of resignation, get myself ready to up sticks and go.
if i sold everything that i own i should be able to get a plane ticket to somewhere and still have enough to statr my new life, even if it'll be a bit on the minimalist side to start with

oh well
laters peeps
Px

one of THOSE days

being me gets boring, but being me and workig where i work is even worse

i'm having one of those days and it's only half 9 in the morning, i've already spent some time looking for a new job and emailing and phoning people to see if they'll give me a job

i need to get out of didcot and i need a job that is what i want not what i can do without thinking about it...i know that must be some people's dream, working without having to think about it, but i need to be challenged and i need to be tested by what i'm doing

it's getting that bad that i'm now lookig outside of the leisure industry for a job, any job will do providing it pays me enough to live on, saw one for a medical sales rep which gives me a company car, and all that type of stuff, and is going to challenge me more than what i'm doing, and you know me, i've got the gift of the gab and could sell ice-cream to eskimos so i'm thinking that it might be worth a try

i'm so tired at the moment, my sleep pattern is shot to bits again and i've got too much on my mind...i need a switch off

anyway i'm at work again at the moment so i should get off the net and get on with something...except i can't be bothered

take care peeps
Px

sick

just saw my ex for the first time since she walked out on me, only briefly as she went past in her car with her new man in it...and now i feel sick...

sick to my stomach

i suppose it show's just how much she affected me, but i don't want her to still have this effect on me, she's nothing to me anymore so why does it make me feel sick?

sick and angry

initially it did pass, but i know that it's affecting me and that's what's making me angrier

it's a pain in the arse

anyway

no news on the job front, going to have a look for some more jobs today

need to get away, if i know that i'll never see her again it'll make me feel better

no news on my housing plans yet either, there are a few things in the pipeline though, all depends on what i'm going to do about work

i'm really not happy with where i am and i might pop over and have a chat with the boss this afternoon after i've dealt with a couple of things that my folks want me to do...

laters peeps
Px

just a quickie
so i went training, nearly broke my shin though...not good...the meeting was interesting, but i don't think anyone listened to my points about the company providing a service to the community and therefore we should be providing a better public service than we are, still i live and learn

still nothing on the job front, but a bit of good news on the housing front, a sale has been agreed, but the new owner is looking at renting the property out and is willing to take me on as the tenant if i want to stay there...so i'm thinking about it for now

work, which is where i am now have done the most sensible thin ever since i started and now i can use the net while at work! about time is what i say...

at work now and should be doing something, not sure what, but something, don't feel like it tonight though and i might call a sick day tomorrow because i've not ben feeling too good today, my IBS is playing me up a little :(

tired, hungry, stressed...just another day in the life of pete

laters
Px

multi pointed blog again today

1. aol again
i hate it...it's a crap system that never seems to let me stay online for more than about 10 minutes at a time...it either boots me or freezes the computer up and forces it to re-start... it's crap

2. the tp front
as you're probably aware i don't live with my folks at the moment...but i do come back, primarily when i want feeding or the use of a "decent" computer, i use the term decent with an edge of caution as it'll probably boot me again in a minute... but recently the toilet paper situation has been comical at home, with the tp not standing up to the expectations that i have come to expect from, not only my house proud parents, but from the bog paper that they choose to buy, recently it has been of a very sub-standard quality and might i add not very soft... however i am glad to report that the situation appears to have been rectified for the time being and the usual soft, nice and sensible tp has made a most welcome return

3. the job front
nothing's happened yet, but then i'm not expecting anything to just yet

4. the home front
again nothing's happened here either, but i was told that some people came and had a look around the bombsite that is my home at the moment, i did try and tidy it up a little, but i couldn't be that bothered, so mainly i moved stuff into places that they shouldn't be looking anyway

5. the western front
all's quiet here

6. the preston front
nothing ever happens here either

7. work
work is work is work...it's usually really pants, but it can range anywhere on the scale from bearable, right through my pants, to "oh my god that was really worth me turning up to this shit hole again today, why the fuck do i bother?" which can generally be seen as a rather boring, dull, meaningless and on the whole pointless endeavour for the day, supposed to be in a meeting tonight, followed by lifeguard training, i don't know if i can be bothered to turn up to either, but i should really, i'd much rather be in the pub or at home, or anywhere to be honest

8. drunk people
should be shot if they think that calling me at half 3 in the morning is ever going to illicit a response that isn't going to end up in physical harm the next time i catch up with them...you've been warned

9. me in general
feeling a little hacked off in general at the moment... never sure why, but hey, it can't be that bad...can it? sleeping better than i have for a little while. moods are slowly levelling out to their usual balance of walking that tightrope between insanity and mediocrity...either way i'm damned, just kidding people

that's it for now...i'll keep you posted on the tp front and job front, just in case anything changes

laters peeps
Px

multiple points
1. aol
aol is crap and i hate it, i've been "online" for a few hours now, but the most time i've spent in one go is about 20 minutes and then aol kicks me off...and no i'm not looking at porn or anything dodgy like that

2. second interview
had another interview with LA fitness yesterday, went better than the first and i'm a little more confident about it, it was in stevenage too, which is about half the distance to bury st. edmunds which is a little better

3. my flat
i've resigned myself to the fact that i'm losing the shag pad and moving back home, two reasons, it's cheaper and if i'm looking for a new job, i don't want to be tied into a contract on a property really

4. life's too short
several people that i know have died recently, this has led me into concluding that life really is too short, so i'm turning over a new leaf and i'm going to stop moping around and worrying about stuff that really will sort itself out in the long run, i'm thinking that i've got about 50 years left, and i want to enjoy them all properly, yeah there are going to be low points, but there's going to be high points to and i've got to learn to concentrate on them and not the low ones

5. it's boring i know
my life for the last week has been pretty quiet, not done much apart from work, and as we know that's not going as well as i'd like it to be...so there's not much to tell this week

laters peeps
Px

done and dusted
only took me 2 and a half hours to get there, and the same back.
had to buy a new shirt when i got there though, all that time in a car without air con in the middle of the day made me a little sweaty and so i needed a shirt before i went in, but i got one so it was ok.
don't think it went that well, just a feeling that i kept repeating myself to them, i don't do selling myself very well, but you never know, i'll not find out until next friday though
sucks doesn't it!
still
think the emotional high is wearing off
what with wanting to move and finding a new job being big clues leading me to that conclusion, still mustn't let it get to me or there will be problems when it comes to being interviewed.
quick poll...three words that describe me...any three, please be honest though, i don't want anyone taking the piss...Mr p.s.4.b boy...you know what i mean...email them to me, then next time when they ask i can tell them what everyone would say!
i hate that question
anyway, as soon as i know, i'll post, i'll post in between now and then though so don't be suprised when you read something and it doesn't say anything. but i don't think i've got it, so there you go
laters
Px

have an interview
tomorrow
in bury st. edmunds
never been there
didn't realise i'd even applied for this job?
la fitness are after me
i can tell
this is the 2nd position that they've called me about, the last one they'd filled before they called me...stupid norks!
this time i'll get it though
got to wear my suit...!!!???
need to hunt out my tie too
going to take me 3 hours to get there apparently...not the way i drive surely...
interview's not until 4pm though so that's not too bad
not sure what i'm going to do if they offer me a position though
money's more
bit too far away though...won't be able to commute
won't have my friends around me either
will HAVE to make a good impression though, would prefer it to the one i've got
it's called advancement baby yeah
something that i've not got from the change of job i had earlier this year, which was at most a step sideways, maybe even backwards... that sucks
not eaten anything this evening yet, not sure what t have either, didn't get anything out of the freezer :( might have an omlette...again, might scrounge of the folks, but i think they've eaten now :(
oh well...
laters
Px

i'm tired and narky

the intention was that yesterdy i'd blog, but i didn't because the computer was playing up.

today i just don't feel like writing very much

got to fill out some job applications, other than that nothing exciting is happening :(

px

nabbed some time in the office at work so i'll make this quick
i hate tension
of any kind
and i hate people who enjoy torturing others
by using tension

everything else is all good

update properly at the weekend

Px

realisation
oh! my!! god!!!
i hate to say this, but i've just realised how true it is, many thanks to good charloote for this:
"Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money!"
i am of course using this in reference to my ex, who when it came down to it, used me as her personal taxi and walking bank loan.
weird what the musings of semi-decent, semi-talented, semi-successful punk pop banks from the states can make you realise and that's a good thing
it's all buena
Px

and then there's this!
just a little addition to today's blog, two things really.
1.) my dad's selling an MGB roadster, £3750, had lots of work done to it this year, with lots of new stuff done to it, if you're interested, let me know
2.) why do my parents have such crap bog roll? they seem to have a load of cheap stuff in at the moment, not only is it not very soft, but none of the sheets line up with the second ply and nearly all of one ply is in seperate sheets that are folded or torn or just plain screwed up...it's not good when someone wants to use the stuff...just think of the impression they're giving off to guests and/or visitors, let alone family??? comeone folks, sort it out!
little addition over...for now, going to go home in a bit and watch a film of some sort while i wait to hear from anyone out there who wants to get in touch with little ole me
take care peeps
Px

So i'm back
so the boss is back and he's ok with me nearly breaking the window, most people in the company have now heard about it one way or another, and all i can say is, so what? i don't care, i was having a bad day!
with the boss being back it means that i'm at my folks house to blog which means it's not going to happen as often as it has been over the last few weeks...oh well, i'm sure you'll all cope!
feeling a bit fed up to be honest, had enough of work, it's really starting to bug me, i know that i can do the job, easily, i know that i can do my boss's job, so why won't they pay me more? "we can't afford to" was the answer that i got the other day from my boss, he say's that i', already above what the other dm's at the centre get, someone told me that i'm on more than any other dm in the company, which sounds good, but considering what i'm capable of, and that it's only £16000, is a bit on the crap side.
looking for another job now though, and i can go anywhere, this country, not this country, it doesn't matter to me anymore, i just want a change and i think that i can do pretty much anything when it comes to running a leisure centre and surely that's got to be of a benefit some how!
i need to update my CV, it's a little old now, considering i wrote it last year and i've changed job since then, got more experience, different experience, more qualifications, that kinda stuff.
got a 4 day weekend this weekend, thankfully, i need the break, i just wish i could afford to do something with my time off, but i'm relegated to drinking beer and watching films...it's a hard life, but someone's got to do it!
really need to sort out this job thing, i know that's what's getting me down this week and i'm bored to tears of it, and the more i go on about it the more it'll bore all of you too
ENOUGH!!!
still re-reading some of my terry pratchett books, cheaper than buying new books and easier than going to the library
decided that i need to do something with my life finally, now i just need to decide what i'm going to do with it, wasting it isn't an option anymore...it anyone has any suggestions please feel free to mail them to me, you all know the usuall address... shadowfish@hotmail.com
anyway, i'm feeling a little better for getting that off my chest, if anyone knows of a job going, give me a shout, i can turn my hand to pretty much anything, but obviously leisure management is my forte as much as i have a forte
i'd love to go overbroad to work, holiday and job rolled into one almost.
money is getting a bit dire, might be forced to move back into my folks house for 6 months or so to try and sort my finances out, it'll give me a chance to save some money too...maybe
feeling really tired all the time still, might be burning the candle at both ends, might be because i just plain can't sleep
i was going to stop writing stuff a little while ago, but i can't seem to find a decent point at which i feel comfortable stopping
wish i'd gone to reading, even if i can't afford it
right, i think that i've had enough of rambling shite now
take care peeps
Px

it's called being dumb!

so i nearly broke the window yesterday, then inadvertently i locked a member of staff of the gym staff in the building and left...how good am i?

this week has been way too long and i think that i need a holiday, next question is where and who will go with me!

ah well at least i've got my sanity...no wait a minute i don't have that anymore do i? NO, it went a long time ago

ah well at least i've got my memory...kinda

take care peeps
Px

these things happen...
...usually to me though!

nearly put my hands through a platle glass window at work this afternoon, nothing serious, but there were some little shitty kids on the other said that were getting on my nerves so i went to go out and have a go at them, but i hit the door a little harder than i anticipated and it shattered, not all the way through mind, but enough to warrant getting a glazier out to sort it urgently.

in answer to a question i saw on a mates blog:
life is so complicated because if it wasn't we'd all be bored out of our little heads, and we'd instantly think something was wrong because we're made that way, sceptical they call it, and thus we'd ruin it ourselves, making it complicated is human nature!

still wishing i'd put one of them kids through the window rather than the palms of my hands, actuall mum was on about me doing some anger management courses if the doctor thought it would be a good idea, but i tol her the doc said it wasn't needed, not that i saw the doc...

anyway take care peeps
Px

hmmmm? did someone call my name?

didn't think so, oh well!

been in thame today which is leading me to two main points in my blog today:

#1) why are the women who work at thame leisure centre better looking than others within the company, i'm not going to mention names, but good god man, there are more attractive women there than you can shake your stick at, even if some of them are a little intimidating, girl who got 4 grade a a-levels!!! scary!!! and why are the people there much nicer and more friendly and accomodatind than at other centres? random question over, i don't expect anyone to be able to answer as no-one really knows what i'm on about

#2) driving in the rain (it was raining when i came home) is great providing you can still see where you're going clearly, i couldn't, but that didn't stop me from aiming for all the big puddles to get the whoosh type wave and the dodgy steering and all that...that's why i like driving in the rain, it's fun!

i think that's about it, probably not, but it'll do for now

take care peeps
px

stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid

big blog yesterday, maybe not so big today, not sure yet

title refers to something i said, made me feel stupid, doesn't happen often

thinking of going to a party on saturday evening, minor problem that may stop me from going, my ex, but i'm sure that i'll survive if she's there, besides the hostess and her don't really get along so it's more likely that she won't be there, i'll be surrounded by friends if she is though so why should i care?

work is going well, although i was told that i was going to be off sick today? blatantly not sick because i'm using the works computer to blog on! the guy that i've got to give a disciplinary to is digging himself a big hole, but he's handing in his resignation some time soon so why should he care?

getting paid a nice tidy sum this month, already seen my pay packet! it's all good

i think the weird stalker bitch has got the message, she sent me a message last nitgh saying that she wasn't going to try anymore, to which i replied that if she had been trying i hadn't noticed, harsh but fair

i think i'm going to give up being foolish, but not give up speaking my mind, speaking my mind is always a good idea because it lets people know where they stand and how you feel, although it can cause some problems

i don't want things to get weird, but i can't stop thinking about it...

take care peeps
px

Times are changing!

just to warn everyone that is out there reading this isn't a normal blog from me, it's likely to be something big and something that although i've thought about for a while, probably won't make much sense and will sound like i'm whining about everything that i can come up with to whine about, so i'm apologising in advance for that. there will be a little blog type bit at the bottom which will make more sense and is verging on normal, well as normal as i ever get!
ok, the following is something that i've written over the last week or so, it's nothing really, more of an open letter about how i'm feeling, also known as the whiney bit:
"where to begin? I don't know. i don't know very much these days. there was a time when everything was easy. i knew what was expected of me and how things were supposed to play out. but that was then, this is now. and now, now i'm stuck, now i'm confused, now i have no idea what it's all about anymore.
"life should be easier than it is. things shouldmake more sense than they do. i guess what i'm really after is a glimpse at how things will turn out before they start. i want to know if buying a girl a bunch of flowers is the right thing to do, if it's going to be worth it or if i'm being presumptious, if it's not worth it or even if it'll balls things up. For example, what if it sparks off her hayfever and she thinks i've done it on purpose because i laugh when she first sneezes, or will she turn into a weird stalker, clingy, bunny boiler type of girl whoo thinks that i'm in love with her just because i got her a bunch of flowers. there's no real answer to that, but it'd be good to know in advance.
"I used to know what i wanted from life, now i'm not so sure. there's only one thing that i've not experienced that is guaranteed and that's death so we'll stop thinking about that now. i want a nice girl, enough money to cope and a job i enjoy. i could expand on the type of girl i want, but that could go on for a long time, basically i wan tsomeone who i can be with without getting annoyed or hurt, someone who is like an extention of my being but is a seperate entity. most of all i want someone who can cope with me and the way i am, now that's asking a lot and i know it.
"life is a big mess really, good things follow good, and bad follow bad. i know that at some point good must follow bad, and vice versa, but i feel that predominantly it's good with good and bad with bad. I'm an eternal pessimist and i should lighten up a little, i know that, you know that, everyone knows it, but sometimes it just seems so pointless."

ok i've heavily edited that from what i'd originally written, mainly because it was boring me to death, originally i'd written some 3 sides of cramped up a4, and my writing isn't the easiest to read!

everything with me is great at the moment, i've been on a high for over a week now, and to be honest it's a little scary, i don't think i've felt this good for a good few months. the positivity is flowing through me like a river and it's weird and great all at once.
i've been hard at work, living large and in charge with the site manager away, i've been running it really, and i've proved to myself that i can do it and it's about time that i found somewhere that'll let me!

on a different note i'd like to thank the people around me that have made me feel welcome and i've re-newed some friendships which is helping no end. i'm going back to being the old me, the me that i enjoyed being, the me that had fun, not the me that changed for people and worried about stuff and compromised things that i believed in because someone else didn't, not that i ever really did that.

Stalker girl is being weird, she keeps asking if everything is ok, no jelly it's not you that i'm talking about, it's stalker girl that i work with. she's doing my head in, she thinks that something is going on with us, but i wouldn't, just wouldn't, it's wrong on many levels, including the level that says she's not the prettiest of people to look at, but that's shallow and that's not why i don't like her, i mean, look at me, i'm no prize picutre myself, i just plain don't get along with her because she bugs me, gets the wrong end of the stick and generally gets upset if i don't talk to her.

my mum's been kinda playing matchmaker with people that she works with, i know she's being harmless and not really doing anything which is why i've been joking with her about it, but she did mention someone the other day that i really could go for, but it'd be weird if something happened, hard to explain why, but it would, that's not to say that i wouldn't want something to happen with her, because i so would, but i've known her for years and t would just be weird i guess

anyway, blogging off for now, take care peeps
Px

just so you all know

i am alive, but only just

i found out something last night that nearly killed me and i have spent part of the morning in hospital as a result of cutting myself a little too deeply

i was going to have a really big blog session, but i don't feel up to it

px

I'm giving up

the stupid computer is back online, but i'm not, so i'm giving it all up

laters

Just a quick one

my home computer's up that well known creek leaving me without a paddle...

so i'm at work and only doing a very quick blog today to say that i'm still alive, but that pretty much it

take care peeps
Px

early this week

i'm not in the best of moods at the moment, not sure why, i guess it's partly down to me trying to redefine my life and how everything fits into it, it's not going too well!
i thought about writing a list of the things a want to change, at the moment there's only one thing on the list: EVERYTHING
i don't know why i want to change things, i guess i'm just fed up with the way things are going for me at the moment, there's nothing so wrong that it stands out as something i need to change, but there are so many things that i feel aren't as they should be.
anyway, i did my nplq, passed it with easy, my time swims were well under, a 37 and a 28, the times that you have to finish the swims are 65 and 45 respectively.
i've not done anything silly to myself this week, but i've had the urge to
i'm just so tired of everything at the moment
i need help, professional help to try and sort myself out, but i'm not going to get any because i'm worried that if i do then they'll find something really wrong with me, or worse, find nothing wrong with me. either way i don't think that they'll be much in the way of help and that's what's holding me back. i wish i could go and get help, but i can't
my friends have been helping, but i don't want to burden them with every little thing that's annoying me or pissing me off or bugging me or whenever some little thing has sent me over the edge again
too tired to care
Px

it's all good
i've been told that i say that to much, so i'll try and cut down on it's use

maybe

doubtful though

anyway, i did have a really good blog, about 3 weeks ago now, but my pootah crashed before i had chance to upload it, which was really helpful, honest it was

over the last month or so I've not done a great deal, got drunk, been out, stayed in, been working, been doing overtime, been on courses

went to see the ladykillers, twas ok, not brilliant, but at the same time not shite

been watching mucha lucha this morning which is excellent

missed kim possible though, apparently it's on tomorrow morning though, so it's all good

very tired at the moment, having to get up early and go on this course, then i'm spending up to 3 hours in the pool each day as well, it's doing wonders for my fitness levels, but it's a bit harsh on the lack of sleep type thing

cat rich and jen came to see me the other day, which was great, not seen any of them for at least 5 weeks, in jen's case it's been a lot longer

didn't do me any good after they left though, i was feeling really pissed off and down so i got the steak knife out and i re-open the longer cut on my forearm, it bled for a while, but every time it stopped i re-opened it to make it bleed again, not the wisest thing i've been up to, but hey

got a digital link from my ps2 to the surround system so now i can hear zombies lurching around behind me while i'm slicing and dicing the ones in front of me

really tired actually, prolly somethig to do with getting up early yesterday and drinking last night and then waking up early this morning

still, it's all good

i should go really

laters peeps
Px

stuff
it's been a bloody long week and things are not getting any better for me.
financially i'm fucked at the moment with more going out than coming in, never a good equation when money is involved!
as a result i've really had to do some drastic things, at the moment i'm considering selling my car and buying an old bomb, but i can't, i'd miss my car...
i've been looking for a new job, even as far a field as scotland, the money's there and so is the job, but it's all about if i can get it, i think i can, but i've got to convince the people on the board that i can, also looking at one in tunbridge wells, both are for the council so the money's better that way and i think i've probably got a fair to good chance of getting one of them...
on the lizzy front, i've not heard from her in a while, i'm not overly worried anymore though, she wanted to go, there's nothing i can do to bring her back, and now i'm not sure that i'd take her back anyway
on the other fronts, i'm doing good, generally things have calmed down and i'm feeling so much more settled than i have for a few weeks
i've got a quest assessors course next week and i'm doing a load of overtime to help with the financial front, mind you if that got much worse i was going to seriously have to consider pimping myself out, only trouble is i don't think i could get very much for my body!!!
in other news...there isn't much else to talk about
had a really bad meal out the other night, it was a friends birthday and the food was really bad, i could've done better and i told them that!
i must thank someone, if you're reading you'll know it's you that i'm talking about, this person has been in my life for years and I've always taken them for granted a little and never really thanked them enough for the support that they've given me, especially recently, and now i hope they know how much they mean to me and how much i want to thank them for everything and how special and loved they are...thakn you, i love you

anyway, on that emotional and soppy note, i'm leaving
take care peeps
Px

I need/want...
a job that i enjoy
a life that's worth living
a woman who's easy to talk to and get along with, not for a romance, but just for the companionship type thing
money
a new tattoo
a prince albert
more games for me NEW ps2
every cd that's worth owning
to go to a "grrr" gig

anyway enough with the fantasy land...
i got a hair cut yesterday, i like it, it's a different look to what i normally have, but that's probably because i went into a proper salon and said to do whatever they thought would look good, it cost me £49.50, but it's worth it, it's made me feel better
i also got a brand new ps2 for £89.99 so i feel that shelling out £50 for a haircut was ok, i also got a load of smelly stuff because when you're trying to imrprove yourself you've got to start somewhere!

feeling wise, i'm doing ok, i'm tired and i'm still taking it one day at a time, but i've halved my dose on my anti-d's again because i feel like i can cope with it. i seem to be running a pattern of down then up then down then up again, each phase lasting a few days, but each being better than the last time i was in that phase, ie the lows aren't as low and the highs are higher.

went to see harry potter and the prisoner of azkahban on wednesday with woja, it was pretty cool, it's been a while since i read the books so i'm not overly sure how close they kept to the storyline, but i enjoyed it

work is going ok, i've just had one of those days today, we took under £170 all day today, of which nearly £80 was my wages...not really worth opening today, but over there it seems that most days aren't worth opening

generally feeling tired at the moment, probably due to playing ps2 all night last night and the total boredom of work mixed with the heat, apparently the company i work for don't know the meaning of "air-con"

been looking for cheesy horror dvd's, but i've been unsuccessful on the hunt, i've been tempted by the "house" series and by evil dead 3: army of darkness, not medievil dead as "someone" keeps telling me! if anyone has any suggestions let me know and i'll have a think about it

right that's me done, i'm hungry so i'm going to hunt out some food and then warm up the ps2 :D

take it easy peeps
Px

it's bloody deceptive

not sure what i'm planning on saying, things are very strange at the moment, i thought i was ok and had turned a page in so much as i was ok and starting to realise that i needed to get on with everything after lizzy going. i was doing really well, but then yesterday i don't know why, but i just started to feel miserable again, it's stretched into today too which hasn't been too good, it might even make it into tomorrow...not good at all

feeling very tired at the moment too, probably because it was nearly half 1 when i got in from the wrestling last night, it was good fun, but i just wasn't in the mood, i started out thinking i wasn't, got there and started to lighten up a bit, but eventually i just didn't want to be there

the rest of the week has been a little weird, stopped over with woja on tuesday and friday, drinking in newbury, hope the stains came out of the carpet, but it'll teach you for falling asleep in the dunny!!!

work is going ok, not sure i really fit in there yet, but then after being at the wave over 9 years i'm not going to feel right anywhere for a while, to be honest i've really felt like phoning in sick a few times just so that i don't have to be there

finding it hard to cope with things, if i'm really honest, i see no point in doing anything anymore, it's getting really hard to deal with and there have been times recently when i've just wanted to slip away, slide down into the bath and not come back up, or whack on the handbrake while doing a fair few miles and roll the car. something that looks like an accident, but i know the truth, and it's starting to worry me a little about how much thought is going into me "escaping" but a big part of me really doesn't care anymore and i've had enough. don't worry though, i'm not going to do anything stupid, it's just thinking about it, i'm sure everyone does it at some point

laters peoples
Px

it's weird

I don't really know what to do, after living with lizzy since november and basically doing everything with her, i'm at a loss for things to do because i'm so used to being with her and doing stuff together now i just don't know what to do with myself.

i went out last night with roger to a bbq in oxford, i only knew 2 people there, but i had fun for a while and i forgot about everything, then all of a sudden i had to leave and so i did. the taxi driver talked to me all the way back about how he thought that if i waited then lizzy would come back to me, he seemed so confident about it that i almost believed him. i left because i thought something was missing and i realised that every now and again i looked around for lizzy and she wasn't there, so not wanting to be a party pooper by having a breakdown i left them to it and went home. it was a sensible idea as far as i'm concerned.

i woke up this morning at 6 ish again...stupid blinds don't keep the sun out very well

i miss her

i'm scared that i scared her too much that she'll have trouble even trusting me as a friend anymore, but i'm willing to try to work on our friendship because she has been such a massive influence on my life over the last few months that i would never want to lose her completely because it would be like losing part of me.

i keep hearing things or seeing things that remind me of her without being anything to do with her, like thursday night when i was picking the washing up and burst into tears, it's not even like it was her washing, it was all my stuff, but i just couldn't help myself.

i'm so sorry for being hysterical with her when she left, i just realised that it was over and i didn't want to believe it, i still don't want to, but i've come to accept that it has happened.

i wish i could've done things differently on thursday, i wish i could've controlled my emotions so that i didn't go hysterical and start screaming, i wish i hadn't got her to move everything out there and then, i wish i hadn't given her everything that was going to remind me about what we had, i wish i hadn't given her all the engagement cards, i wish things were different

wishing is good, but it can't change things and that's upsetting.

i have no idea if she's going to read this, i hope she does, but i think she probably won't

i'm supposed to be having dinner with my parents again today, not really feeling hungry though now, i seem to have talked myself out of eating again. i know that i'll go down in a bit and eat anyway, but i just can't seem to bring myself to do it on my own.

part of me feels that even though i'm home, i'm not and i need to find out where home is

i've lost my centre and my balance

i'm out

laters peeps
Px

from bad to worse

She left me, things had been going really well, but now there's nothing, she's gone and I'm not only crushed and devastated, but i'm scared and confused.

crushed: it was out of the blue and i love her.

devastated: everything i had in mind for the future involved being with her and was based on improving our life.

scared: although i'm through the suicidal and self harming phase, i'm because i didn't realise that i could be affected in this way, i went hysterical and lost control, screaming that i couldn't let her go, blocking the doorway, crying and screaming, but i calmed down when i realised how much i scared her and scared myself. now though i think i've pushed her away by scaring her, now i think that she's lost trust in me, i'd never hurt/harm her and i'd never do anything to myself now either through fear of what has happened.

confused: i don't know why she's gone, no-one that i've spoken to does, i even went round to see her dad and chat to him about ti to see if he knew or could shed some light onto the situation, neither him or his wife could understand why it'd happened as we had been so happy.

anyway, i'm trying to get on with my life, but it's hard, especially as the new bed that we'd ordered arrived yesterday.

i did a bad thing when she left. i was feeling so low that i went to tesco to see my mum and cried in the middle of the store, then i went to her dad's to check she'd got there ok, then i went to the wave to chat to my old boss who made me promise that i'd go to the doctor's, which i did next, she upped my dose on my anti-depressants and told me that i had to carry around the samaritans number with me at all times. after all that i told lizzy that i wanted all her stuff out of the flat that day, in retrospect i wish i hadn't because it was just another nail in the coffin, i even packed up most of it before she came round to do it. i needed it out, because to me it was just another reminder of what we had and at that point i didn't want any reminders, now i wish i hadn't because what we had was so much that i want to be reminded about it.

i feel stupid too.

i don't know who to turn to to talk about it with, but it helped to talk to her dad, it helped so much, he realised how much she means to me and how much i love her, but in the end he said there's not a lot he can do, me either, afterall, it's up to her and i know that if i make a point of contacting her too much it'll push her away even more and the thought of losing her all together scares me than anything else in the world...

anyway, take care peeps
px

It's been ages and people have complained, so I'm here

I'm not sure what's going on with my life at the moment, just when everything seems to be going ok it falls apart.

I've got a new job

I'm engaged to the lovely Lizzy

I'm on anti-depressents again

I'm tired all the time

And things seem to be going, not well, not badly, just going

that's about all I can say at the moment

last night i was having a bad night and i wanted to disappear, hurt myself or die, but i didn't, i thought that if i did that then things would be worse. i know i have a problem and i know that i need help, i'm just not sure where to go and what good it will do. remember i've been to councilling before, and it didn't work then so history tells me that it might not work this time either. the pills seem to help some of the time, but i seem to be a lot angrier since i started on them, adn the insomnia/tiredness seems to be related to them and stress. the new job's not stressful, but i've not recovered from the stress of the last one.

i seem to be losing touch of the people in my life that i love and that upsets me

i went to see WWE smackdown in march when it was in sheffield, sad i know, but oh so very cool and i know that you wish you'd been there too...in actual fact i'm going to see the raw roster in a couple of weeks, still owe R for the last lot, let alone this time, don't worry, i'll sort you out sometime, i'll not forget

i've missed writing this, i didn't realise how much it helped when i was doing it, i might see if i can start doing it a bit more often

i'll try anyway

be good peoples and take care, i'm going to try too
px

and there's more
i've heard back from warner village, they gave me 3 more free tickets, which was really helpful, although my comments have been passed to the centre manager, reading borough council and the fire service have not got back to me either, but from experience i know that if they have investigated it then they usually make a list of improvements which the come and check on after some time!
me, i'm fine, tired, and recovering from a nasty cold, i was coughing so hard the other day becaue of it i was sick, i phoned in sick for work and felt guilty about missing 1 day, felt like i was letting the team down, which is just silly...anyway i'm feeling better now which is good
the flat is going great, with the minor problem of the oven seems to cut out every now and again, but it might be something to do with the timer system on it, i would read the manual, if i had one that is... and the fridge is almost sorted, my sister's got one going spare that i can use for a while, provided i can get it from hers to mine, shouldn't be too hard i guess, just the 2 flights of stairs that i'll need to get it up
my birthday was good, except for the training bit, which wasn't bad, just not the best way to celebrate a birthday!
anyway, i'm sure i should have more news than this, but i can't think of any at the moment, so i'm going to bail on y'all
take care peoples
Px

a continuation
so i went to the Warner Village website and put in a comment to them regarding the incident on the 8/11, they sent me the obligatory "thank you for your comments" email as an immediate response. I also went to the Reading Borough Council website and submitted a comment to them, they have responded by saying that my comments have been passed over to the Environmental Health Department, so at least something is happening.

in other news...
...i've got a cold that has got on my chest and seems to want to stay there for the moment, which is a bugger!
...the flat is fine, i'm getting used to the being alone factor
...it's my birthday tomorrow and ive got to go on a training day for work that i can't get out of...typical
...everything seems to be going well

ok take care peoples
Px

"Can you say FIRE?"
right lets get down to business, the above relates to something that happened last night when roger, martin and myself went to the cinema with every intention of watching the new Matrix film. we'd got tickets, we'd got there early, we'd had a beer in a bar beforehand, everything was going well. the lights dimmed, the adverts started rolling and we settled ourselves in for the long haul as it were. everyone was quiet when the honda advert came on and we all watched it in silent awe as the various parts of the car did their thing...it's a very cool advert. during said advert the was a faint smell coming through the auditorium, a faint smoky, electrical smell, a faint smoky, electrical fire type of smell infact. some people had started to leave the auditorium as more and more people became aware that there was something not quite right, i had stood up with martin to see what the commotion was all about. still the adverts rolled. we watched in awe as some people left the cinema to find some staff to sort out what the problem was, but this time there was some smoke in the room, but no other visible signs of a fire. an attendant came in, climbed the stairs to the area that seemed to be where the problem was. he then wondered, in no obvious hurry, to get a fire extinguisher which he then discharged as a second member of staff turned up. it should also be noted that at this time the adverts were still rolling and there had been no actual detection of the fire apart from what people had seen, ie no fire alarm, no smoke detector, nothing. a third member of staff arrived, apparently this is because the projectionist had told him that there was something wrong, and called out to all the people in the screen that they should leave the building via the marked fire exit, and proceed to the front of the building and wait for him to give further instructions. we did this, still without any fire alarms being sounded. we, like many others, milled around out the front of the cinema, in the cold and without further instruction. some of the people had made their way back inside and back upstairs, unheeded, and still we waited. eventually we got cold and went back inside ourselves, and upstairs we went and then we milled around for a while. i decided that things were not good enough and went to hunt down the Duty Manager, who turned out to be the third member of staff that had come into the auditorium, he was busy dealing with the fire men at the time, but i was allowed to stand, unattended, and wait for him, by unattended i mean that if i had wanted to i could've walked back to the screen in question without anyone asking me anything. by this time there was a large crowd of fairly miffed people wanting to know what was going on, they were alleged to be in an orderly queue, but it was so obvious that few of the staff actually knew what they should be doing in this situation and fewer knew enough about what was going on to be able to provide us with any information as to what options we had. Finally when i got to speak to the DM i found that when ever i had something to say, he would interrupt me, a big failing in someone who is expected to be a manager, in fairness he was under enough stress without me quizzing him on the company and site policies and emergency action plans, with specific regards to fire and evacuation procedures and the training and testing that had taken place. he was flustered and kept interrupting me to say that he had made the decision to re-open the screen providing the fire brigade had cleared it to open...it was with this that he made a mistake by telling all the people waiting that he was going to re-open the screen and show the film, so that it would start 1 hour late, he did this without further consulting the firemen to check that it was safe to re-open. at this point we decided that, because i was on an early start at work this morning, we would rather take a refund and go and see it another day. we then had to queue for a while to get said refund, which instead we decided to take vouchers so that next time we could see it without having to pay.
now that's about the long and short of it, but considering we spent £17.70 on three tickets, £10.20 on popcorn and drinks and the like, £2 on parking, and the petrol to get there, we didn't see a film, and the only compensation that we got was three vouchers, that we can't use online or over the telephone to make a booking. there was no other offers of compensation, there wasn't even the offer of a free drink whilst we waited.
needless to say i am still not to impressed with the way that things were handled. but there are still a few things that i will be doing to try and get something sorted about the incident. Firstly there is this blog, i'm hoping that if you're reading it then you'll have a think about the procedures that are in place and the people that are there to look after you. Secondly, if anyone out there is going to the cinema, make sure that if you are going the WARNER VILLAGE at THE ORACLE in READING, ask them if there have been any changes in their fire and evacuation procedures as a result of the incident on SATURDAY 8th NOVEMBER. Finally, I shall be writing a series of letters to Reading Borough Council, Warner Village at the Oracle, The Fire Brigade in Reading and finally i'll be writing to the Warner Village main UK offices. I'm not after compensation, although some sort of gesture towards covering the costs that we incurred wouldn't go amiss, i'm doing this because if next week, or next month, there is a bigger fire there, i want to know that i've raised my points and grievances with the right people, in the hope that it will prevent a big fire there.

ok no that's off my chest...
i'm doing ok, not sleeping very well, work has been ok this week. Flogging Molly were amazing, saw them on wednesday for the second time this year, it was very cool. everythign seems to be going pretty well at the moment. couple of teething problems with the flat, but nothing major, which is good.

anyway, i think that's about enough from me for this week, i doubt i'll blog again until next sunday now, hopefully i won't have a major rant for you next time.
take care peoples
Px

i'm free
i've moved out of my folks home so i'll not be blogging very often anymore
i'll email people with the new address
take care peoples
Px

je suis tres tired
i only do a little bit of french so that'll do me for this week
it's true though i'm absolutely knackered at the moment, something to do with seeing kill bill pt1 last night and doing the early again this morning
it's been a funny old day at work, we threw out over £900 worth of frozen food, mainly because it wasn't frozen anymore, and the boss phoned in sick, then the other boss phoned in sick too, then the big boss phoned and i took his call whilst i was lifeguarding, not the cleverest thing to do, but it's not like he knew what i was doing and basically there was no-one there today...and i still couldn't be bothered to do anything
i've not done any packing for a few days either, i'm either going to do some tonight for a little while, ie before i fall asleep, or i'm just going to leave it all until friday when i've got to sort it all out and pack it all up because i move on the saturday
i've got a really nast taste in my mouth too...ate some raw onion today, it was in my sandwich, but seeing as i asked for a bacon sarnie with cheese and onions i assumed that i'd get a hot sarnie, but i got a cold one, with raw onion and cold precooked bacon...obviously i still ate it, but it's the principal of it
i've not had a shave for a while...must have one before tomorrow really
i'm off to watch tottenham play tomorrow, mentioned that yesterday, but i'm mentioning it again because it's cool...although spurs'll probably lose
i'm having troubles with my hotmail account at the moment again...it keeps telling me that "this server is too busy"...you'd think that one of the most popular sites in the world would sort out it's server problems...i mean what's the server too busy doing? do servers go fishing? do they have sideline jobs as cyber pimps? do they blog? do they think i have nothing better to do with my spare time that sit here complaining about them and not reading my email?
i think i'm going to just log off in a minute if i can't get my bloody emails and go to bed, it's not like i've got anything really important to do, honest
take care peoples
Px

Tiny secret agent spy hamsters with giant guns and rockets packs
well it made me chuckle to myself
it's starting to hit me that i've only got a few days before i move out which means i've really got to do some more packing, except i still really can't be bothered at the moment! How bad is that?
going to see kill bill tonight hopefully
not much is happening in my life at the moment, it's all quiet on the western front, not to mention the eastern, northern and southern fronts as well...
going to see tottenham play west ham on wednesday, its a cup game apparently, not that i care, it's a football match and i've not been to one since i was 11, which seems like years ago...considering i'll be like 25 soon i guess it is years ago!
i've been granted my annual leave request for the 5th of november which means i can go and see Flogging Molly again...hint hint you know who you are!!!
and what's this i hear about a certain mr roger conversing with my lady about my birthday present?
"what should i get him, he's got everything?" her
"he has now he's got you" him
what's that all about??? that's what she told me anyway
only kidding
must go, going to try this packing jobbie again, but i'll probably end up doing something else. take care peoples
Px

still...
...here
...bored
...alive
...moving in under a week
...hungry
...feeling a little low

i'm moving next saturday, so after a couple of blogs this week don't expect that many after then...certainly not anything regular like there has been in the past. i'm actually looking forward to it now...not excited yet, but looking forward to it. I think i've got everything redy for it, but i'll not know until i'm there and want to use something only to realise that i don't own one
got work later today, should be ok, better than yesterday anyway, unless the dodgy "new" receptionist phones in sick again, which she seems to have a habit of doing at the moment, either there;s something really wrong with her, or she's not big on being reliable, personally i think it's more of the latter, but i shouldn't doubt her so much, she might be really ill!
anyway yesterday at work, during the naturist session, one of the old blokes collapsed, ambulance was called, he didn't want to go with them and said he felt fine, needless to say he decided against going for a swim, but when it came to him leaving, he collapsed again, another ambulance was called, and again he decided against going with them, but at least this time he wasn't naked!
and we were short staffed yesterday too, which made it all good fun!
enough with the work type stuff...everyone has left me this weekend, all my mates are elsewhere so i've been bored as sin so far this weekend, my fault partially i guess, i should've given some other people a shout to see what they were up to, but i was working so i shouldn't have been socialising that much anyway.
i was very glad of the extra hour in bed this morning, and i made the most of it by rolling over and going back to sleep.
watched the rugby this morning, glad we won, disappointed in the general performance of the team, there were a lot of scrappy passes and the throw-in's were awful, still a couple of good trys and it was all good in the end.
i've still got loads to pack before i move, i just can't seem to get motivated to do it, everytime i think about doing some more i just can't be bothered.
Monsterous Regiment, the book i'm reading is superb and i'm liking it a lot, not sure where the stories going, but that's a good thing, i'm not a fan of really predictable storylines, obviously you can make a rough guess as to what happens in the end, but it's when you can guess what's going to happen in the next few chapters, that's when reading stops being fun
anyway, i'm going to hide and read some more of my book now that i've got it in my head...take care peoples
Px

i'm losing sight of what it all means
i'm back again today because i'm bored and online...
i'm having on of those days today where i just can't seem to get myself up and with it, i know it's a bit late in the day to try and start getting up and with it, but i've been like it all day and it sucks, in fact i could feel it starting yesterday, i was feeling a little down yesterday for no readily apparent reason and today it just seems to have got worse. part of it might be that i know that there is going to be a lot of work coming my way, mainly because of the seminar that i was at today, part of it is that i always seem to get the work come my way. it would appear that i'm in line for a change in job title, so along with the titles of Duty Manager and SwimSchool Co-ordinator, i'm going to become the Site Health & Safety Co-ordinator, it doesn't mean that i get any more money of course, that'd be silly to pay me more just because they're changing my job role. i wish i knew why i was feeling low, but it just seems that i'm due a little down time, as it were. it's probably a combination of things:
the stress of moving, everyone knows that moving is one of the most stessful things that one can do;
the possibility of additional work, although i don't have a lot on workwise at the moment, i get the impression that this is going to add more work than i've got space for, thus leading me to neglect one of my other responsibilities;
i'm still ill, and having other things to worry about isn't going to help me get better, and finally;
trying to do too much, at work, at home, everywhere...it's not good.
i've changed my mind about my general feeling for the day from ambivalent to down.
i think that's about it for today
px

wow...that was good!!!
i'm not talking about anything dirty people...i am in fact referring to a "really interesting" seminar i attended today on Health & Safety, still as boring as it was, at least i didn't have to go to work in the normal sense of the word...

tenancy agreement arrived today, need to look through it at some point before tomorrow when i should go down and hand it in signed and with the balance on the account, which i mentioned yesterday was totalling £1441.13 which had better be in my account tomorrow seeing as i get paid at some point between now and when i get to the bank

everything else is ok, i'm tired, still not sleeping very well, i'm still not feeling very well either, but i really can't be bothered to see the doctor about it, it's nothing major after all. my teeth hurt, i think that i've got one cutting through, and it's not the most comfortable of things.

general feeling for the day is ambivalent

take care peoples
Px

so much to do, so little time to do it
it's like 10 days until i move
and it's like 3 weeks until my birthday
and i'm feeling really ill to go with it
i was thinking of phoning in sick today, i've not done it yet, i've managed to struggle through, and i know that i'll do the same today, it's only 5 hours today.

i should get my tenancy agreement in the post tomorrow, i had the notification of costs today, a total £1441.13 is still needed, but at least i know that i'm now due to meet the check-in clerk on the day to get all the keys and the like, which is cool. i'm still not getting really excited, but i'm looking forward to it

didn't sleep very well last night, seemed like i was in bed for ages, everytime i looked at my clock it was like 20 minutes since i'd last looked, everytime i wanted to roll over i woke myself up, which just sucked, anyway i slept in until about an hour ago, and now i'm up and doing nothing before i go to work

i forgot to mention that i went to see The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen on monday, went to wantage because it was cheaper and easier to get to and there was only about 14 people in the cinema. it's a good film, not believable in the slightest, but very good none-the-less, well i enjoyed it, but that's not saying much! i thought it was funny in places where i don't think other people got the joke, but again that's just me!

going to blog off now, tkae care peoples
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knocking on kevin's door
i think G'n'R would've had more success if this was the title, but i guess they'd have to find a kevin then...they could always have used kevin from roland rat fame, i think he was a gerbil, errol was a hamster with a really thick welsh accent and a thing for leeks and i've got this feeling that there was someone else, but i can't think who...if you know, tell me!

getting some more paperwork in the post tomorrow about the flat, the bloke phoned me this morning about it...i started packing yesterday, i successfully packed up 4 boxes, mostly with cds, tapes, videos and dvds, and that's not including the ones that i have in racks and holders and what not!!! i did the really clever thing of packing the case to a cd i was listening too, better than that, it's at the bottom of the box!!! also did he really clumsy thing of knocking a near full can of coke into a box that i had filled over half full with cd's...how clever was that!!!

did some shopping yesterday, got some of the more essential things, iron, ironing board and the like, i spent about £120 in argos getting it all and i had to make 3 trips from the shop to the car to put it all away, and unfortunately i was parked on the 2 floor and on the wrong side of the car park, still it'll get me fit...if i was doing it everyday and not using the lift all the time!

i'm not feeling very excited yet, but i am looking forward to it, come thursday next week i won't be able to sleep through excitement, it's like going on holiday and not having to worry about coming back, but it does mean that i've got a lot of things to sort out and take with me...speaking of which i've got a day off again today so i should crack on...
take care peoples
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12 days to go and counting
must quickly thank alison for correcting the quote...thank you alison! i wasn't far off

finally started reading the new Terry Pratchett book, Monsterous Regiment, last night after finishing Valhalla the other day...first impressions...it's terry pratchett, definately pratchett material, i've not read enough to give it a full evaluation yet, probably won't give it a full evaluation until i've finished it, hopefully i'll have finished it before i move.

it's my day off today, but i'm not doing anything constructive with it at the moment, might pop into argos and get a few of the things i need to get before i move, seems like a good idea...but i might not bother doing that either...might even start packing, i've been talking about it for ages, but not done anything about it yet!

anyway, i guess i should do something...take care peoples
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all systems are go
we have a green light
the move is on
1/11/03
i had an email confirming everything is ok to go ahead with the move so i'm going to maybe start packing this week, but you know me, i doubt it'll happen, but i really should start getting things organised

i did go out in the end last night, to the cinema, and i'm glad i did because i went to see Finding Nemo, and i loved it! it was a corking film. it was really busy too so i did the sneaky thing of going into the cinema to check times and availability then standing outside to book tickets using my phone because the ticket hall bit was packed and there was a huge queue...it's not really cheating, but it was a hell of a lot quicker than standing in the queue to get a ticket, then having to stand in another queue to get into the screen...but we got pretty good seats in the middle of the auditorium (?) and everything was cool

not really got much to say now, there was something that i wanted to go on about, but i can't for the life of me remember what it was

if you go to see finding nemo, watch the credits, mike from monsters inc can be seen swimming across the screen at the end, just so you know ;)

anyway, take care peoples
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Mother is the word for god on the lips and hearts of all children
knowing me i've got that quote wrong, but it's cool none-the-less, if anyone can correct it, let me know and I'll re-edit it so it's right...that is assuming you know where it came from in the first place and seeing as i haven't told you, you'll have to either guess or work it out!

it's from a film

my poor woody is getting irritating, he went to the vet's today to have the dressing removed, but he's doing all the things he's not allowed to do, things like jumping up onto the chairs in the kitchen, he shouldn't be jumping at the moment and i've told him that i'll laugh at him if his stitches burst, but he just won't listen...

one of my favourite films

on the home front things have been fairly quiet...apart from the dog... been feeling very tired and not very well for a few days, i've put the former down to suffering from the latter, seemed like a good idea to me...

a man died in the film

i'm in a not really bothered type of mood today, in other words i can't be arsed with doing anything...i'm supposed to be going out tonight, but i don't really feel like it, i just wanna sit in and watch telly and just chill basically...i'll probably end up going out for a while though, don't want to go out for long if i do go out though...

it's a dark comicbook film

right i'm going to have a look at a last few websites...argos mainly...to see if there is anything else i can get or need for my move

take care peoples
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my poor woody
woody is the name of my dog before anyone gets the wrong impression! i know what you're all like and i know what you were thinking!!!
and it's poor woody day because he had his bit's lopped off yesterday, no longer should he be shagging legs, cushions, bags or anything else he can lock his little legs around and start pumping against. he's walking a little funny this morning, and he's not allowed to jump up at anyone or anything like that which is good. he was very quiet when i came in last night, he just sort of laid there looking pityful and ridiculous with his tail curled between his legs covering what wasn't there anymore.
i'm still not feeling great, but better than yesterday, my throat is still really sore, but at least i don't ache like i did yesterday and although my head is still a little fuzzy, it's clearer than it was last night.
I got one of the girls at work to go to the shop last night and get me some soup, she got me chicken soup and although i'm not a big soup fan i really enjoyed it and i felt better for it, it was about the most i'd eaten all day though so that might have something to do with it too...bizarre chicken soup and tlc is the remedy for everything!
dad's got the things down from in the garage that i took to uni, pots and pans and that sort of thing so we're having a look at those this morning, anything that i don't want the bin is having.
anyway, that's about all for today, take care peoples
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"bullets and bombs might break his bones or even vapourise him completely, but vern could do him a nasty injury"
taken from Valhalla by Tom Holt

that's what i've been reading at the moment, reading it like mad because i've got the new terry pratchett book sitting on my desk glaring at me, darig me to start reading it before i finish the book i'm on

things are going fairly well at the moment, although i'm feeling fuff as ruck, i think i'm coming down with a cold...throat's very sore, feeling cold and i ache all over...still not calling in sick though because if i call in sick there's no-one to cover me, might have to call it in tomorrow though if i don't get better today

other than that, like i said, things are going well, looked in the argos book last night for the essentials and i've picked out a few things that i'll need that are reasonably priced, migt start getting them at the weekend, but might be better to leave some of it until after i've made the move, that way i won't have to move it twice

take care peoples
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all my people come on choose your side you're a long way from home, but not alone
dunno why i'm putting that as my title apart from it's on the song i'm listening to at the moment
having a good day again today, i think all this positive energy is justified after the last few weeks and a lot of negative energy, that and i'm moving out, that's probably making me cheer up too
mum got me the 2nd matrix film on dvd yesterday, to go with the first one and the animatrix dvds, watched it this morning...understood it some more time round, watched the MTV Movie Awards Reloaded too, an extra on the bonus disc which parodies reloaded...it's all good!
i've been to get an argos book today so i can start pricing up the essentials, things like an iron and ironing board, that kind of thing, probably do that at work, people seem to be offering me things for the house which is cool...gonna have a look at the argos book tonight at work, mark a few things that i'm going to have to get hold of...saucepans for a start
i'm really tired at the moment too, and i've been sleeping really well, no idea why i'm tired though...it's weird i really need a decent night's sleep and i'm sure i'll feel better, either that or i'll have to stop reading before i go to bed or something
anyway i'm on lates again today so i should get ready to go seeing as i'm due in in 20 minutes
take care peoples
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flat's the way uh-huh uh-huh
i like it uh-huh uh-huh
it's been confirmed...i now have a shag pad and i can move in from the 1st of november, the money for the deposit is in my bank account and everything is go! i've already got the weekend the i'm moving off...flukey or what!
everything else is hunkydory
got to start the packing thing sometime soon, i've got a couple of boxes from work and i'll start bringing home some more now that it's been confirmed, not sure how i'm going to move all my shit yet, but i'll get everything sorted before i move
that's all for today
take care peoples
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Must stop all the quizzes
ah to hell with it...here's today's quiz


Bondage Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

BONUS
my lovely dad's going to give me an early birthday present which will cover my deposit and give me a little extra cash for the new flat, still not heard as to if i've got it yet, but i'm sure it'll ok.
Also on the up side, dad know someone who's getting rid of a 3 piece suite which i may be able to get hold of, it's pink, but pink is better than nothing when it's a sofa...am i right?
haven't done the haircut thing, but i'm going to go and wash it in a minute so i might get the clippers out afterwards, i am in desperate need of a shave too, so i'll do that at the same time.
i was that bored last night that i sat and watched the last session of the LG cup, it's snooker, it was actually pretty good, but the winner got like £82500 for it and that's just wrong, i know he's good, i can see that he's good, but is he really worth that much money when it comes to hitting lots of coloured balls around a big green table? it's the same with footballers, some of them earn in a week what i earn in a year, some earn more than that, it's ridiculous, especially when they ponce around when they're not playing and get in all the papers for all the wrong reasons...i'm worth more than they are morally and i don't have any morals! just think if i'd have been pushed into playing football i could've been a highly paid jerk like them, instead i'm just a jerk.
thankfully my parents didn't push me into playing anything, i think i would've ended up resenting them if they had done. sometimes i wonder though if they had pushed me more if i'd have been something special, or made something more of myself, but like i said i'm glad they didn't push me.
i had a good night's sleep eventually last night, spent some time catching up with a few freinds via the wonder of sms, but as is always the case, i fell asleep mid text and i woke up at 6 this morning thinking where the hell is my phone, and what's that digging into my ear???
i've noticed i'm blogging more frequently again, not sure why, everything is going well, i haven't been to work yet though, just kidding even work is going well at the moment, although i get the impression that the receptionist that shold be working tonight will be phoning in sick again, she's been there 3 weeks and so far she's yet to work a monday on her own...sounds promising doesn't it!!
just thinking what i could buy with the remainder of the money that i'm being given, might have a lok at the cost of tv's as i'm only taking the little portable that's in my room, but i guess i should really look at buying in the essentialt first, like pots and pans to cook with, that kind of thing...argos here we come!!!
anyway, better be off, i wasn't expecting to blog so much again today
take care people
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yay verily it doth sucketh
i'm trying to find where i can go and see house of 1000 corpses without travelling millions of miles, so far slough is about the closest i can find it and that's too far...damn my quest, damn it all to hell again
i've decided that i can't be bothered with the dodgy hair, so i'm going to cut it off...just as soon as i can be bothered, which might be later today, but then again, it might not be, we'll see...
you'll be pleased to note that i've avoided doing any quiz things today, but that means it's just me...uninterrupted, it's up to you as to whether that's a good thing or a bad one...
actually i havent got much to say
i watched cradle 2 the grave, with jet li and DMX, the other night...tis very good, loadsa action and nice fight scenes...a little wire fighting, which i prefer to all the CG stuff that is appearing in action movies these days...example blade II or the matrix reloaded...wire fighting, although unrealistic, keeps all the body's natural movements, you can do somethings on a wire that your body can't physically do anyway, ie sustain a jumping kick for longer, but the body still moves in a natural way because it's actually doing it, as opposed to the movements of Spiderman when he was web-slinging in the most recent movie when the body arches in a very "flexible" way...a little too flexible at points, it looked like that guy could kiss his own arse. I like CG movies, bu only when the whole movie is CG, like toy story or final fantasy, but movies that are using CG because they don't want, or more likely can't get, the actors do the stuff that is needed of them, it looks wrong and unnatural and silly...enough with the ranting about films...for now
work is going freakishly well at the moment, i think it's probably got something to do with the idea that i could be moving out sometime soon and therefore i have something to look forward to at the moment...it's an adventure, i was thinking about starting to pack up a few of my things ready, but i don't want to be too keen, it's not like i've definately got somewhere to go yet
i need some new tunes...anyone got any recommendations? you know what i like!
i've been looking for some growling mad scientists stuff...but i've not found very much, only a couple of tracks online, very cool though...trance or something like that...it's all good
if anyone wants any ideas for what to get me for my up coming birthday...1 month today...i'd like some little things that will brighten up my new flat if i get it, i'll keep you posted as to if i get it
i've apparently downloaded messenger plus! which is cool so if i see you online, now i can piss you off with some stupid sounds...mwhahahahahahahahahaha!
anyway, take care peoples
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more stupid quizzes

You are Professor X!
You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla


Congratulations! You're a black velvet!


What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla


Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


sorry about that, but I think I've got them out of my system for now.
work is going ok, life in general is going ok, the only downer of the last few days has been that work seem to think that they can/should phone me when they want to get my g/f to work...I don't live with her and rarely am I with her at 8:45 in the morning!!! Hello people, we're not joined at the hip and her number is and was in the bloody phone book...Silly people!

I went to the estate agent people and paid them the admin fee and filled in the application for tenancy and all that, got to work today and helped my boss fill in his reference for me, it's not cheating, I just made sure that the answers he put down were the same as the ones I put in...Hopefully I'll hear something about it on Monday as to whether I've got it or not and when I can move in and all that...
if I get this place my blogging days will be limited to when I can get home to use the computer to blog...Same with the whole emailing thing...Although me dad did hint that he might give me this "old computer" and buy himself a new one which would be helpful. Furniture is going to be the very basics for a while...ie a patio table and chairs for a while, although I'm taking all my bedroom furniture with me, so at least the kitchen and bedroom will be worthy of living in...Not sure what I'll do for furniture in the lounge just yet, but I'm sure I'll sort something out
I've been having flashes of inspiration at work, so much so that, I've been working really hard in the plant room to make sure that it's the best damned plant room I've ever been in...This week I spent 4 hours sweeping the floor and generally tidying it up, then I got sticky backed plastic and put up all the procedures and COSHH assessments so that the other staff that go down there can't balls things up and make it all shitty and phone me and get me to sort out everything for them...Now all they have to do is look at the sheets that are stuck up all over the plant room near the relevant bits. Only problem was that when I was sticking the bits up I wrecked about 1/4 of the plastic stuff because it kept rolling itself up and sticking together, still there is no excuse now for ballsing it up apart from incompetence
anyway laters
take care peoples
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interesting

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Death by Monkeys
Date when you fufill your destiny	August 14, 2016
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

well it made me laugh

House!
I had a look at a couple of flats yesterday, the first was very pokey, the front room was smaller than my current bedroom, which was a bit on the pointless side, the kitchen was ok, the bedroom was too small for me and all my shit and there wasn't enough storage space...the second was a whole £35 pcm more and there were more cupboards, a bigger bedroom, a much bigger lounge, the kitchen was ok too, about the same size as the first, but a different set up, generally it was so much better...and it had the sexy sloping ceiling
everything else is good, managed to have a bit of a lay-in this morning, but only until 9, but that's still 4 more hours than i've had most of the week
anyway, i've got to get dressed and sort out this flat today because if i don't do it now i'll never do it
take care people
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life is what you make it, so make mine a double
firstly i just wanna make sure everyone is ok...i, myself am feeling pretty good this week, thankfully i think i've got a load of things off my chest and i'm thinking about moving out. so much so that i've booked to have a look around a couple of places on thursday after work with one of my bosses because she wants to be nosey i think, but it could be because she wants to make sure it's all good

in fact most things at the moment are going well so before i ruin everything i'm going to leave it at that

one other thing i've got a bit of an afro at the moment, does anyone know of any decent hair products that i could use to tame my hair until i can be bothered to get a haircut

take care peoples
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fed up
I've tried to be sensible
I've tried to think positive
I've tried a lot of things in the last few days and when i'm not thinking about work or what's wrong with me i feel great and even sometimes when i'm at work and busy i feel ok...but only ok
other time unfortunately i just want to run around hitting things and breaking things, especially things at work, ESPECIALLY the telephone, at least that way they can't call me to ask stupid and pointless questions like "pete, it's your day off, what time do you start work today?" or "what is it that i'm actually supposed to be doing?"
(they're yet to ask me either of these questions, but i fear that they are closer to happening than you'd think)
breaking stuff would be so cool, but it's just way to much hassle trying to explain what happened to it when you don't want to have to say "well it was being a stupid piece of shit and not doing what it was supposed to be doing so i threw it out the window, tied it to the back of my car, took it drag racing and then put it back where it came from in the vague hope that it'd started working, but it didn't so i took the hammer to it...do you think i did a bad thing?"

i've been doing lots of stupid tests today, thanks to rum & monkey, so far i've got the following results:
in the "which survivor of the impending nuclear apocolyse are you?" test i was a new media professional;
in the "are you damned?" test i was an atheist;
in the "genocidal maniac test" i was hitler, nice;
in the "peeg test" i was a bliss pig;
in the "the annoying b-list celebrity test" i was regis philbin...who i hear you ask...i have no idea;
in the "glendinning test v2.0" i was owen...you'll have to do it to understand that i haven' got a clue who owen is;
in the "Which Famous Homosexual Are You?" test i was mychal judge...who ever he is;
in the "how dumb are you?" test i'm apparently real dumb, like ya'know;
in the "what kind of drunk are you?" test i was an emotional drunk (last time i came out as a chunder monkey);
in the "Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?" test i came out as robocop;
in the "The Evil Criminal Test" i came out as charles manson;
and finally in the "affliction test" i came out being syphilis, which is nice!

there are some warped people out there who make up these quizzes, but then again there are some warped people in my head that actually did them!

on a lighter note I've finished reading through the 467 or so back episodes of M3g4tokyo and i recommend it to anyone who has way too much time on their hands, better still i think everyone should go and buy a shirt.

seeing as i didn't manage to get round to reviewing AWK...i'd just like to say it was outstanding, my ears stopped ringing sometime on wednesday i think, either that or i'd gotten used to it by then...there was plenty of singing along and bouncing to some very cheesy tunes adn much arm waving was to be had by all, either the punching the air kind or the swinging it from your side over your head sideways...if that makes no sense, tough, i know what i mean and so should the people that were there! dammit if you don't know what i mean you should've been there, you all had the oppoortunity to come! i got dropped on the floor a few times which wrecked my nice white t-shirt that i was wearing...still i'd just bought an AWK t-shirt so i wore that on the way home, even though it was soaked with sweat.

i feel sick again :(
my IBS has been playing me up today too, I've been coping with it, but it's not been very helpful and it's been really horrid at times, it feels like cramp, only it comes on really quickly and sometimes it can last for several hours, today it's been coming and going, but it's been painful everytime, i've been able to control it most of the time, but sometimes it's come on so quickly and sharply that it's taken me by surprise.

anyway this has been a mentally long blog, mainly because of all those quizzes that i've done today
take care peoples
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i'm trying here...bear with me please
"i don't know what's wrong, at the moment i have no desire to get up in the morning, no reason for going to work and i don't want to come home after i've been there.
the smallest things are pissing me off, like yesterday, work phoned me about something simple, but it was something that i obviously wouldn't know the answer too not having been at work yesterday, yet they still saw fit to phone me up about it anyway...that pissed me off
they phoned me and skirted around the fact that they were a teacher down, but wouldn't come out and ask me to do it directly, so i made up some bullshit about being busy and decided that i wasn't going in for them because if i had a similar situation i wouldn't phoen the department head on their day off to let them know that cover was needed, i'd find the cover myself and leave them a note about what i'd done.
in my appraisal i was told that i should leave and go travelling...fair enough, but when i put in for a weeks leave later that day i'm told that i might not be able to have it because thay can't do without me that week...yeah cheers...mixed information is really going to do my head well
it's got to the point where i just can't be bothered anymore and if i could live without work and money then i would.
i just wish that there was an easy answer to stopping all the stupid little things in my life from annoying me and winding me up and that way i could clear my head and get on with everything that needs to be done, but feeling like this i just can't get on with anything. i'm due in work this afternoon and i know that i'll mooch around for a few hours and not actually get much done, if anything, then come home and feel just as bad and get really narked about something and want to go out and drive like a maniac for a while just to get it out of my system
i've been here before and i'm not going to let it beat me, but i can feel it winning
i know i need help, but i don't know what help i need or where to get it
but basically that's what's wrong"
taken from an email to a mate that i sent this morning because she asked what was wrong
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