realisation
oh! my!! god!!!
i hate to say this, but i've just realised how true it is, many thanks to good charloote for this:
"Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money!"
i am of course using this in reference to my ex, who when it came down to it, used me as her personal taxi and walking bank loan.
weird what the musings of semi-decent, semi-talented, semi-successful punk pop banks from the states can make you realise and that's a good thing
it's all buena
Px

and then there's this!
just a little addition to today's blog, two things really.
1.) my dad's selling an MGB roadster, £3750, had lots of work done to it this year, with lots of new stuff done to it, if you're interested, let me know
2.) why do my parents have such crap bog roll? they seem to have a load of cheap stuff in at the moment, not only is it not very soft, but none of the sheets line up with the second ply and nearly all of one ply is in seperate sheets that are folded or torn or just plain screwed up...it's not good when someone wants to use the stuff...just think of the impression they're giving off to guests and/or visitors, let alone family??? comeone folks, sort it out!
little addition over...for now, going to go home in a bit and watch a film of some sort while i wait to hear from anyone out there who wants to get in touch with little ole me
take care peeps
Px

So i'm back
so the boss is back and he's ok with me nearly breaking the window, most people in the company have now heard about it one way or another, and all i can say is, so what? i don't care, i was having a bad day!
with the boss being back it means that i'm at my folks house to blog which means it's not going to happen as often as it has been over the last few weeks...oh well, i'm sure you'll all cope!
feeling a bit fed up to be honest, had enough of work, it's really starting to bug me, i know that i can do the job, easily, i know that i can do my boss's job, so why won't they pay me more? "we can't afford to" was the answer that i got the other day from my boss, he say's that i', already above what the other dm's at the centre get, someone told me that i'm on more than any other dm in the company, which sounds good, but considering what i'm capable of, and that it's only £16000, is a bit on the crap side.
looking for another job now though, and i can go anywhere, this country, not this country, it doesn't matter to me anymore, i just want a change and i think that i can do pretty much anything when it comes to running a leisure centre and surely that's got to be of a benefit some how!
i need to update my CV, it's a little old now, considering i wrote it last year and i've changed job since then, got more experience, different experience, more qualifications, that kinda stuff.
got a 4 day weekend this weekend, thankfully, i need the break, i just wish i could afford to do something with my time off, but i'm relegated to drinking beer and watching films...it's a hard life, but someone's got to do it!
really need to sort out this job thing, i know that's what's getting me down this week and i'm bored to tears of it, and the more i go on about it the more it'll bore all of you too
ENOUGH!!!
still re-reading some of my terry pratchett books, cheaper than buying new books and easier than going to the library
decided that i need to do something with my life finally, now i just need to decide what i'm going to do with it, wasting it isn't an option anymore...it anyone has any suggestions please feel free to mail them to me, you all know the usuall address... shadowfish@hotmail.com
anyway, i'm feeling a little better for getting that off my chest, if anyone knows of a job going, give me a shout, i can turn my hand to pretty much anything, but obviously leisure management is my forte as much as i have a forte
i'd love to go overbroad to work, holiday and job rolled into one almost.
money is getting a bit dire, might be forced to move back into my folks house for 6 months or so to try and sort my finances out, it'll give me a chance to save some money too...maybe
feeling really tired all the time still, might be burning the candle at both ends, might be because i just plain can't sleep
i was going to stop writing stuff a little while ago, but i can't seem to find a decent point at which i feel comfortable stopping
wish i'd gone to reading, even if i can't afford it
right, i think that i've had enough of rambling shite now
take care peeps
Px

it's called being dumb!

so i nearly broke the window yesterday, then inadvertently i locked a member of staff of the gym staff in the building and left...how good am i?

this week has been way too long and i think that i need a holiday, next question is where and who will go with me!

ah well at least i've got my sanity...no wait a minute i don't have that anymore do i? NO, it went a long time ago

ah well at least i've got my memory...kinda

take care peeps
Px

these things happen...
...usually to me though!

nearly put my hands through a platle glass window at work this afternoon, nothing serious, but there were some little shitty kids on the other said that were getting on my nerves so i went to go out and have a go at them, but i hit the door a little harder than i anticipated and it shattered, not all the way through mind, but enough to warrant getting a glazier out to sort it urgently.

in answer to a question i saw on a mates blog:
life is so complicated because if it wasn't we'd all be bored out of our little heads, and we'd instantly think something was wrong because we're made that way, sceptical they call it, and thus we'd ruin it ourselves, making it complicated is human nature!

still wishing i'd put one of them kids through the window rather than the palms of my hands, actuall mum was on about me doing some anger management courses if the doctor thought it would be a good idea, but i tol her the doc said it wasn't needed, not that i saw the doc...

anyway take care peeps
Px

hmmmm? did someone call my name?

didn't think so, oh well!

been in thame today which is leading me to two main points in my blog today:

#1) why are the women who work at thame leisure centre better looking than others within the company, i'm not going to mention names, but good god man, there are more attractive women there than you can shake your stick at, even if some of them are a little intimidating, girl who got 4 grade a a-levels!!! scary!!! and why are the people there much nicer and more friendly and accomodatind than at other centres? random question over, i don't expect anyone to be able to answer as no-one really knows what i'm on about

#2) driving in the rain (it was raining when i came home) is great providing you can still see where you're going clearly, i couldn't, but that didn't stop me from aiming for all the big puddles to get the whoosh type wave and the dodgy steering and all that...that's why i like driving in the rain, it's fun!

i think that's about it, probably not, but it'll do for now

take care peeps
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stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid

big blog yesterday, maybe not so big today, not sure yet

title refers to something i said, made me feel stupid, doesn't happen often

thinking of going to a party on saturday evening, minor problem that may stop me from going, my ex, but i'm sure that i'll survive if she's there, besides the hostess and her don't really get along so it's more likely that she won't be there, i'll be surrounded by friends if she is though so why should i care?

work is going well, although i was told that i was going to be off sick today? blatantly not sick because i'm using the works computer to blog on! the guy that i've got to give a disciplinary to is digging himself a big hole, but he's handing in his resignation some time soon so why should he care?

getting paid a nice tidy sum this month, already seen my pay packet! it's all good

i think the weird stalker bitch has got the message, she sent me a message last nitgh saying that she wasn't going to try anymore, to which i replied that if she had been trying i hadn't noticed, harsh but fair

i think i'm going to give up being foolish, but not give up speaking my mind, speaking my mind is always a good idea because it lets people know where they stand and how you feel, although it can cause some problems

i don't want things to get weird, but i can't stop thinking about it...

take care peeps
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Times are changing!

just to warn everyone that is out there reading this isn't a normal blog from me, it's likely to be something big and something that although i've thought about for a while, probably won't make much sense and will sound like i'm whining about everything that i can come up with to whine about, so i'm apologising in advance for that. there will be a little blog type bit at the bottom which will make more sense and is verging on normal, well as normal as i ever get!
ok, the following is something that i've written over the last week or so, it's nothing really, more of an open letter about how i'm feeling, also known as the whiney bit:
"where to begin? I don't know. i don't know very much these days. there was a time when everything was easy. i knew what was expected of me and how things were supposed to play out. but that was then, this is now. and now, now i'm stuck, now i'm confused, now i have no idea what it's all about anymore.
"life should be easier than it is. things shouldmake more sense than they do. i guess what i'm really after is a glimpse at how things will turn out before they start. i want to know if buying a girl a bunch of flowers is the right thing to do, if it's going to be worth it or if i'm being presumptious, if it's not worth it or even if it'll balls things up. For example, what if it sparks off her hayfever and she thinks i've done it on purpose because i laugh when she first sneezes, or will she turn into a weird stalker, clingy, bunny boiler type of girl whoo thinks that i'm in love with her just because i got her a bunch of flowers. there's no real answer to that, but it'd be good to know in advance.
"I used to know what i wanted from life, now i'm not so sure. there's only one thing that i've not experienced that is guaranteed and that's death so we'll stop thinking about that now. i want a nice girl, enough money to cope and a job i enjoy. i could expand on the type of girl i want, but that could go on for a long time, basically i wan tsomeone who i can be with without getting annoyed or hurt, someone who is like an extention of my being but is a seperate entity. most of all i want someone who can cope with me and the way i am, now that's asking a lot and i know it.
"life is a big mess really, good things follow good, and bad follow bad. i know that at some point good must follow bad, and vice versa, but i feel that predominantly it's good with good and bad with bad. I'm an eternal pessimist and i should lighten up a little, i know that, you know that, everyone knows it, but sometimes it just seems so pointless."

ok i've heavily edited that from what i'd originally written, mainly because it was boring me to death, originally i'd written some 3 sides of cramped up a4, and my writing isn't the easiest to read!

everything with me is great at the moment, i've been on a high for over a week now, and to be honest it's a little scary, i don't think i've felt this good for a good few months. the positivity is flowing through me like a river and it's weird and great all at once.
i've been hard at work, living large and in charge with the site manager away, i've been running it really, and i've proved to myself that i can do it and it's about time that i found somewhere that'll let me!

on a different note i'd like to thank the people around me that have made me feel welcome and i've re-newed some friendships which is helping no end. i'm going back to being the old me, the me that i enjoyed being, the me that had fun, not the me that changed for people and worried about stuff and compromised things that i believed in because someone else didn't, not that i ever really did that.

Stalker girl is being weird, she keeps asking if everything is ok, no jelly it's not you that i'm talking about, it's stalker girl that i work with. she's doing my head in, she thinks that something is going on with us, but i wouldn't, just wouldn't, it's wrong on many levels, including the level that says she's not the prettiest of people to look at, but that's shallow and that's not why i don't like her, i mean, look at me, i'm no prize picutre myself, i just plain don't get along with her because she bugs me, gets the wrong end of the stick and generally gets upset if i don't talk to her.

my mum's been kinda playing matchmaker with people that she works with, i know she's being harmless and not really doing anything which is why i've been joking with her about it, but she did mention someone the other day that i really could go for, but it'd be weird if something happened, hard to explain why, but it would, that's not to say that i wouldn't want something to happen with her, because i so would, but i've known her for years and t would just be weird i guess

anyway, blogging off for now, take care peeps
Px

just so you all know

i am alive, but only just

i found out something last night that nearly killed me and i have spent part of the morning in hospital as a result of cutting myself a little too deeply

i was going to have a really big blog session, but i don't feel up to it

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