don't be mad

it's boring at work today
and i'm still not feeling great
i can't be bothered at the moment
it's been suggested that i run away
place mentioned was france, but my french is rusty at best
have the fear at the moment
will let you in on it if your PROMISE not to get angry or take the moral high ground or anything like that
have the fear because i was tempted to cut myself again
for the first time in 2 years i wanted to do it
but i didn't
please don't sit there thinking bad things about me
i'm trying to deal with a lot of things at the moment
all of which are small and insignificant
but piled together are not cool
the sum of the whole is greater that the sum of the individual parts and all that kinda thing
i know there are people out there worse off than me
i know that i've got it good at the moment
but there are so many little things that are causing me stress
they say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do
i'm already stressed and i'm not moving for like 7 weeks
reasons for stress:
too many jobs
not enough money (hence the 3 jobs)
no free time
being sick
moving house
my parents impending divorce
and subsequent issues like selling a house, helping mum get a new one, moving her...other settlement related issues
my IBS (which hasn't properly flared up yet, but it's only a matter of time)
my car (which although is ok at the moment, needs an MOT and tax disc soon)
not enough sleep (which leads to me getting more stressed which leads to even less sleep)
my proper job...well documented fact that i don't really enjoy it
general feeling of not belonging
fear that i'm going to cut myself again

lots of little things that combined make a big ugly monster

i want to go home
i want to go to sleep
i want to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and with out any of the above hassles
i wish i could