i'll get told off if i don't write this...

ok a little back story
10 months ago i was in an unhealthy relationship, as is always the way, i didn't see this at the time and therefore squandered the following opportunity.
10 months ago i met someone who to this day i think about regularly.
10 months ago i met lindsey (aka linny)
a planned holiday to the UK with her friend and a half arranged attempt for us to meet up while she was here before she left didn't hold much hope for me and her to meet, however we exchanged numbers in the hope that she would be able to arrange things that we could meet up.

things worked out that she'd breeze into oxford for the evening on her way to london. just enough time to meet up and have a pint.

but during the evening i flirted with not only lindsey, but also with her friend. this lead to confusion that wasn't fully resolved until last weekend.
and it wasn't until this past weekend that i broke my silence with regards to my true feeling from that night.

lets break it down
when we sat down i didn't sit next to lindsey, i sat next to her friend, this was partly intentional on my part, it's a lot easier to study a person and take in everything about them when you can look at them.
through the evening i found it hard to take my eyes off lindsey, but i think i was doing a pretty good job of not lingering too long
through the evening we had a good time, so much so that the girls cancelled that night's accomodation in london and favoured a night in oxford (they ended up in a hostel, not ideal as i'm sure lindsey will tell you, i initially suggested a motel saying that i'd come and get them in the morning and make sure that they made it to the station safely) i would've offered space in my own home, but at the time i was in the spare bed because i'd been out and if i got home late and woke up her, then my life would've been hell.
at the end of the evening, when i dropped them off at the hostel, we shared a kiss, first i kissed her friend, then i kissed lindsey. she's said tha ti kissed her longer than i kissed her friend, and at that point she half realised that it was her i'd been interested in. at that time i wanted to kiss her much more passionately, but i refrained because of the relationship that i was in.
since that night i've often thought what it would've been like to kiss her that way.
since that night i've had much deeper thoughts about things
since that night i've found myself a little jealous
since that night we've kept in contact
since that night we both hid things from each other about how we both wanted to kiss passionately that night

that is until this past weekend when it all started innocently in a conversation on MSN
and ended up with my inviting FU to be the best man at our vegas wedding, but only if he gets in the elvis suit. venue set and you'd all be invited and it's down to me to pick a date, i'm thinking late september

now i know that it wasn't serious
but there's a big part of me that does hold on to those memories of that evening and there's a bigger part of me kicking myself for not spilling my guts to her sooner or kissing her that night. there's a part of me that would love to marry lindsey
anywhere
anytime

i hope she now knows how i feel
and i hope that she knows that i love her
laters
Px