it's bloody deceptive

not sure what i'm planning on saying, things are very strange at the moment, i thought i was ok and had turned a page in so much as i was ok and starting to realise that i needed to get on with everything after lizzy going. i was doing really well, but then yesterday i don't know why, but i just started to feel miserable again, it's stretched into today too which hasn't been too good, it might even make it into tomorrow...not good at all

feeling very tired at the moment too, probably because it was nearly half 1 when i got in from the wrestling last night, it was good fun, but i just wasn't in the mood, i started out thinking i wasn't, got there and started to lighten up a bit, but eventually i just didn't want to be there

the rest of the week has been a little weird, stopped over with woja on tuesday and friday, drinking in newbury, hope the stains came out of the carpet, but it'll teach you for falling asleep in the dunny!!!

work is going ok, not sure i really fit in there yet, but then after being at the wave over 9 years i'm not going to feel right anywhere for a while, to be honest i've really felt like phoning in sick a few times just so that i don't have to be there

finding it hard to cope with things, if i'm really honest, i see no point in doing anything anymore, it's getting really hard to deal with and there have been times recently when i've just wanted to slip away, slide down into the bath and not come back up, or whack on the handbrake while doing a fair few miles and roll the car. something that looks like an accident, but i know the truth, and it's starting to worry me a little about how much thought is going into me "escaping" but a big part of me really doesn't care anymore and i've had enough. don't worry though, i'm not going to do anything stupid, it's just thinking about it, i'm sure everyone does it at some point

laters peoples
Px