it's been a week

only a week, but still, surely you'd think i should've said something since last week!

well it seems blogging buddies are dropping like flies this year
not heard anything from becca for a while, fu has just announced he's turning his back on the blog life and switching to facebook, rawbean slipped out earlier, as did steve novak...
oh well, i'll just add them to the list which also includes woja and tochy...people that con't really blog anymore list

an quick update on the car, i've got it back...it's becoming a money pit though, whihc is pissing me off...think i'll just get rid of it when the work has finished...
yeah that's right, i've got it back, but the works not finished yet...
you remember the comment i made about the bonnet blowing open while the bloke from the garage came to get it...well they've got me a bonnet, and it's a different colour to the original! but they have said that they'll re-spray it for me, so that's ok

work is hectic at the moment

i'm not getting enough sleep at the moment

i'm feeling very lonely most of the time

not a lot else to say at the moment

there was a big report on the radio news today about suicide, and that every day 3 men between 18 and 35 kill themselves in the UK each day, it's the main reason for death in this gender/age bracket... can you believe that? i can...i'm in this age bracket and i've contemplated t many times, from wondering what it would feel like and how much it would hurt to do something like slit my wrists to driving my car way too fast and just rolling it or making it hit a wall to wondering if i'd notice myself slipping away if i took an overdose. the general consensus was that men don't feel like they can talk to anyone about their problems and that they put up a mask of being this happy jovial person when others are around. having been there and done that, it's all true. but it also doesn't help when you think about opening up to someone and that person thinks that you're talking rubbish, or is more concerned in relating every thing that you tell them back into being about them and how difficult their life is and all that. or worse still,the person you're opening up to doesn't take it seriously, they eother focus on one thing that they feel is important (in my case the counsellor that i was seeing took her issue with my family, and seemed to think that my relationship to my siblings and the fact that i referred to them all as brothers and sisters when they are only half brothers and half sisters) or, and this can sometimes be worse, they think that your problems are pathetic, petty or trivial (in my case this related back to the last full time job i had and the fact tat i was less than happy in it, the person i spoke to when i tried to open up about it told me that i was being stupid and that it was all in my head and i should get a grip on myself). these reactions will often lead to the depressed person feeling lower than they do already, and will make them even more introverted when it comes to dealing with the problems that they face. it made me feel worse, it also made me feel less and less comfortable with opening up to people about my issues. i've chosen specific people in the past to help me through rough times, some of these people are still in my life now, some thankfully are not. but even now, knowing that there are people out there who are willing to help and are capable of just listening and offering helpful advice, doesn't mean that i'm willing to open up to them...some of them read this blog, they know that i've called them or texted them when i needed to get something off my chest, but others who read this know that this is used as an outlet for me, and that's part of the way i cope with things. but ever increasingly, im finding that i am becoming more introverted with regards to depression and telling people that i've got a problem and that i am asking for help...because i don't want the reactions that i've had from the people that are no longer around or the sympathy that comes my way too

i know it's tmi tuesday again, but i think the whole thing above covers me for this week with regards to the tmi thing...

laters peeps
Px