multiple personalities...kinda
you know the phrase about being in 2 minds about something, well it would seem that at the moment i'm in two (or more) minds about everything, thus leading me to the possible conclusion that maybe i've got multiple personalities...either that or i'm thinking about all sides of the story and can't be bothered to make up my mind about any of them...
EXAMPLE: do i go to the pub or go training?
pro's and con's for both
pub
pro's=beer, entertainment, beer, chance to win money on the quiz, beer, friends and oh and did i mention beer?
con's=spending money on said beer, smokey room, not winning the quiz because the quizmaster can't count/add-up, not being able to drink enough to get totally wasted due to having to drive home, not going training
training
pro's=getting paid, keeping my training record up to date, seeing people at work, training with my "team"
con's=seeing people at work, it's my week off, not going to the pub

so as you can see i'm none-the-wiser for writing all that down and to be perfectly honest i'd probably stay at home because i don't know which to do. i'd prefer to go to the pub, but then i'll feel guilty for not training.

there are other things that are of a similar ilk as this...the whole do i don't i scenario is pants

i'm trying to track an old friend down, someone i knew while i was in leeds at uni, but i don't even know where to start, i've tried google and ask and a couple of other search engines, but failed miserably so far, i've thought about going to the library and getting all the people with her last name out of the phone book, but what if she's ex-directory/married/not got a phone, and then if she is in the phone book, what do i do, call them all to find her? write to the all to find her? think of the cost, thankfully she's not a "smith", that would be a nightmare. and if i do find her, what do i say, "hey, not spoken to you for 5+ years, how are you? really, that's nice..." i guess i'm trying to talk myself out of tracking her down, but there's a big part of me that wishes i'd never lost contact with her and that we stayed friends when i left, but i didn't stay in contact with her and i'm sorry for that.

i feel like i'm losing a lot of my friends through not being bothered to keep in touch with them and i don't like that, i really should stay in touch, but it's hard motivating myself to chat to someone when i don't see them everyday or haven't seen them for a while. i don't speak to anyone i used to work with, i only left the wave 6 months ago and it's all a bit pants now that i don't speak to anyone from there properly anymore, occasionally there's someone online that i chat to, or i get a random text inviting me out for a beer, which i usually decline or forget about until after the event. i'm a crap friend

it's my birthday in a month...just to remind you! i want to try and get out of the country, but i know that if i try to plan anything other people will not be able to arrange things to suit so that they can join me so i'm thinking that it's just going to end up as another pipe dream and nothing will come of it.

right i'm done, i've gotta go home and eat and pack and stuff like that, probably won't go training or to the pub, probably be to miffed with myself to do either...don't ask ok, just don't ask

Px