Thursday 24 November 2005

HNT time again
this is a difficult post
as some of you are very aware, i'm having some personal problems at the moment. unfortunately these problems have also manifested themselves in a physical way, starting last night. i suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) which cause severe stomach cramps and on occasion vomiting and well you know what i'm getting at... last night was the first major attack i've had in about 5 years, it left me unable to drive, which meant that i and to leave my car at the cinema last night and convince the people i was with that i would be ok. the girl i'm with (the one i want to be with from the previous post) wouldn't leave me and insisted that she either drove me home or to the hospital, home was my choice because i knew that there is very little that can be done at the hospital, apart from pain relief and i don't like needles.
anyway she stayed with me for a while when we got home and eventually i started to feel better. i am ok, but at the same time i'm not well at all. but i'm trying to cope with everything without causing much stress to other people.
anyway my HNT pics follow, the first is me biting my lip, i've been doing that a lot over the last few days to try to hold things together

the next two are difficult for me to post, they are of a time when things weren't so good for me, although they are taken recently (as in yesterday, before i got ill) they both happened in august last year, when i was feeling so low that i wanted something else to think about, the emotional pain i was in was too much so i started cutting myself to give me something more physical and real to concentrate on. all the marks are on my left arm, the first is the worst one i ever did, i used a steak knife and hardly felt it at all, but i needed to go to the hospital for stitches, that was the last time i did it because of the way the nurse looked at me and because i had to tell people that i wasn't coping very well. the second pic is of a series of smaller cuts which were done around the same time, but less severe. i'm sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable.


15 comments:

Wenchy said...

Sorry you are not feeling well.

Cyber hugs allowed?

Tish said...

I hope you feel all better soon! Thanks for being so open in your post. Big hugs to you!! Happy HNT!

berly02 said...

I know a man . . .
If you want.
Might be a little extra with the trip over the pond and all.

{{hug}}

Anonymous said...

Hey man hope things improve soon. I admire your courage to post about the cutting.

Take Care. Sometimes "Happy HNT" does not seem apt at the end of the comment.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE GO-T's so cute! happy hnt!

Autumn Storm said...

Pete, my connection died, so I've only just caught up on your last 3 posts.
Cannot really say much, we haven't been blogmates for long, but if there is ever anything I can do, well, you know the rest...
Said it several times now, but I truly hope things get better for you soon!

Miss Ash said...

I agree this is a courageous post, you are putting yourself out there for all to see. I know that a lot of people cut as well because they are hurting so much inside and perhaps the physical scars of the cutting is a way for them to show it on the outside.

Princess Pessimism said...

PX - you are very brave to allow people to see that side of you. I have indeed known people who cut, and its something they usually take great lengths to cover up.

I'm very proud of you. I know that couldnt have been easy

Scarlet Traces said...

it's a brave thing for you to show this, i hope it helps. Take care tiger and i also hope things start looking up for you soon.

Scott & Julia said...

Wow, this is an awesome post and you're very brave for exposing yourself like this. I hope you feel better soon! Happy HNT!

Akanksha said...

just pray.. and cry ... i hope these two work fr u..
i feel a lil better after cryin or prayin or both
crying is very cathartic..
dnt ever hurt urself again (i dnt kno u too well but i just cant stand anybdy hurting themselves)..
dnt worry .. u'll feel better soon...

Lindsey said...

I love a man with a goatee. Very sexy. As for the other stuff...it seems like everyone is going through their own personal kind of war here lately.

All I can say is...I think that writing about it helps you cope and...I'd be willing to run someone over with a car if you so wished.

Anonymous said...

My wife also suffers from periodic IBS, she finds turmeric tablets really help, even is she doesn't take one until she feels a stomach cramp coming on. Check out your local health food shop.

Katie said...

love the goatee its very sexy. love a man with them.

hope you are doing well!!

Kt Mae

Natalia said...

Goatee looks lovely darling... here's a few cuddles coming your way. I do hope you start feeling better soon. Chin up.

{{{cuddles}}}

-N