one of those days
that's exactly what it's been today
all i've been able to do is mope about and sigh
and to be honest that's pretty much all i wanted to do today as well
i'm feeling really fed up
it's under a week until my birthday and i really couldn't care less
in fact the biggest reason as to why i've not tried to organise anything to do is because i know that:
a) some of the people i've known longest will have forgotten when my birthday is
b) i can't be dealing with people who will make up some crap excuse as to why they can't make it, or say that they will come out and then either not bother showing up or bail out on me at the last minute
c) as much as i'd like to think that by some miracle that both of the above points are totally made up and won't happen this year, i know deep down that they are true and it just pisses me off too much to want to enjoy myself very much at the moment

i'm looking forward to getting away next week, even if it is only going to be for a couple of nights, anything has got to be better than festering in this hole that has become my life

for all the good things in my life at the moment i can think of at least 2 things thatcome along wiht them that are bad. that take the shine off them. and no matter how good things are when things are good i know that when they stop being good the gleam goes and things are just as bad as they were before, in some cases they are worse

i want to be able to switch everything off...even if it's just for tonight...at least then maybe i'll be able to get some sleep because right now i'm shattered, i think i got about 4 or 5 hours sleep last night and i'd been up way too long yesterday...right now i've been up about 15 hours, but it feels like a lot longer...and seeing as it's only about 8pm i'm guessing that there'll be at least 3 more hours until i get into bed, let alone get to sleep, wihch will be at least an hour after getting into bed

help me switch off
i've had enough and i was to sleep
Px